Before launching for the race, I was given a key necklace with the word worthy on it. A leader from the World Race prayed over my name and the Lord gave him that specific word. This was to signify something that the Lord wanted me to grow in while I was gone.
I have struggled over the last four years to identify my self worth. Upon graduating high school, I walked with a lot of confidence. I knew who I was, and I knew what I wanted in life. That quickly disappeared after starting college. I explored my identity by investing my time in lots of partying. I thought that this was the ‘ideal college experience,’ and in order to enjoy the ‘best four years of my life,’ I had to excel in that scene. I masked a lot of insecurity by always having fun photos on my Instagram feed. What appeared to be a, ‘perfect life,’ hid an aching heart of betrayal, rejection and shame. I made mistakes, and took advantage of the grace that the Lord so freely gave out. After I decided I wanted to make some changes in my life, and heal my heart, I struggled to believe that I was worthy of forgiveness and love from the father, because of my past. It wasn’t until training camp in August, when I first opened up about this struggle, that I had friends and leaders pour the truth into me. The truth that regardless of sins I have committed, Jesus loved me. He did not care about my past, but instead just wanted to accompany me in the future. He wanted to heal those broken pieces, and find an eternal dwelling in my heart.
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
God created us to be imperfect. If we were flawless, then we would not need Him. He knew that we would be sinful creatures and still sent His only son to die on the cross, so we could have life. I craved a love that would never leave, and all along I had God to fill me up. Throughout the last few months He has continued to show me again and again that I am worthy. And I can proudly say… that I now I believe it.
When one has grown in the key they are supposed to give the necklace to someone else. A few weeks ago, at the awakening event with two other squads, we got into groups to practice evangelizing in the town. Before heading out, we prayed to God to give us a direction of where to go. I got an image of a chick. My team ended up finding a store with two chickens on top of it. I immediately felt in my heart that I needed to go. There was a young teenage girl at the register. In spanish my friend, Reina asked her if there was anything we could pray for in her life. She broke down and talked about a sick family member. We prayed over her and wished her well. After I left, I couldn’t shake a feeling that I needed to go back. But, I didn’t know why.
Later a friend of mine, Ashley, who carries the gift of hearing the Lord very clearly, told me that God had a couple of questions for me. One of which, was if I really believed I was worthy. I was immediately frustrated because I knew I was, and didn’t know how I could grow more in that way. Later God revealed to me that I needed to give the young girl from the chicken shop my key! He wanted me to say out loud that I really believed it. It was time.
The next week I returned and gave her a key along with this note, translated to Spanish;
Dear my beautiful friend,
I am a missionary from the United States. Before leaving for my journey, my leaders prayed over me. They got this word worthy for me. They gave me this key necklace to remember my word. I have pressed into the Lord and grown in my understanding. He has helped me believe that I am worthy, of his love and his pursuit. Once I have grasped the meaning of the word on the key in my life, I am supposed to give it away to someone that embodies the word. I feel that you are that someone.
It was a quick encounter. I pray that the Lord moves in her life, the way He has in mine.
As always, thank you all for the continued support. I hope you all are having a wonderful Christmas season. xo
