Some one asked me, "How are you doing?"
My reply, "Okay."
Lie.
How is it the one question meant to connect and give someone a glimpse of what is going on in your life can turn into an invitation to block out and build a wall to the other person.
My best friend Veronica sat with me the other day and listen to me talk, more like be angry and cry.
Here was my basic complaint,
"I explained to her, I am all alone on this fundraising it seems. I have no help. I don't know how to fundraiser properly. I don't know how to get people to get connected and no one seems to realize how much I am in need. Ronnie, I can't do this."
Here basic reply after she slapped me in my face (not really, but really she should have),
"How is anyone to know this, this is the first I have heard of it. You have connections. Oh yeah and God has got this."
I haven't been sharing how intimidated I really feel and overwhelmed by this. I haven't been sharing my burden. I have been holding back because I am scared people will hate me for it.
Then later today, one of my fellow teammates, Blake, text me
Hey! How are you doing? Hope your doing well!
This is so Blake, always caring and always so encouraging. He has been such a great teammate and friend, and I won't even lie, I have been pushing it away along with the rest of my teammates concerns.
I replied a kind of normal reply.
I'm doing good! How are you?
I was doing good, but I left out some details about what good meant. Whatever. He replies two minutes later,
　
I'm good busy and all! How's support raising going?!
　
Uh oh, this time I can either tell truth or just say good. Aww heck God, I'll be honest.
　
I'm at a wall. 2700. Mostly my money. Not a lot of gear either. But I know God is going to provide, just a lot of pressure and nothing to do to relieve it but trust.
　
The conversation goes on, Blake encourages in such a way to leave me with hope rather than to just be a "good Christian."
　
But what I have to say from these two conversations is I am sorry. Sorry for not really asking your help and being honest about how pressured I feel.
As I was praying and talking to God, I try to put a finger on how I felt and my emotional state. I work really well with picutres and visual and all I could think was:
　
i am an emotional wreck, crashed against the shores of destiny
the ocean of life pounding salt water onto splintered wood
It's poetic, and sure you could say emo. But its true. I am a wreck standing so close to my destiny, and all I can feel is the pressure of life crashing down on my by waves.
Also with this realization, I know I need to ask for your help.
I have my first deadline on September 29th, I need $3500 so I can go to training camp. And quickly after will be my next deadline to leave for the race, December 18th, I will need $6500. And on top of that, I still need a lot of my main gear from my gear list.
Please, if God is calling you to partner and give into the ministry that He is calling me into, please give. This isn't a calling that is easy, and it is definitly not easy without the support of the family of God. I don't want to face this alone, I really really need you!
Below is the gear I am still in need of, I am not picky. Just please consider that I will be carrying this for about a year on my back, lightweight and compact are key. Or if you would like to give money towards gear, let me know, it would be awesome!
If you feel called to give, please click the Support Me link on the side there and help me out!
　
The Needed Gear List
sleeping bag
sleeping bag liner
sleeping pad
two person tent
head lamp
airporter (for my backpack)
mosquito net
clothes line
power strip
packing cubes
　
Thank you in advance! It means the world and my calling! May you be blessed and favored!
humbly,
Hannah
