Lately I've been lonely…really lonely. It has been a vicious and unenjoyable. Through it I have been drug through more unwanted emotions and thought processes than I care to share. I have had to revisit the past, unstitch some of my wounds to dig deeper than I did before to make room for healing. It has been a spiritual and emotional attack on my self image and my self worth.
I'm not here to wallow in my sorrows or to swim in the pain of my self pity. I'm here to write this to say that the enemy is real and very mindful and strategic when it comes to placing road blocks in our lives. It's nothing personal, you just happen to bear the name of the Creator and the very existence the enemy has always tried to rule over, God. Even though it's not personal, it's still a detailed and outlined plan that the enemy will patiently wait to fulfill and carry out.
This week the enemy has been non-stop. He hasn't backed down and he keeps shooting arrows. It started in a downward spiral last week. I started emotionally missing someone God took out of my life a long time ago.
Actually I just missed what that person was in m life, nontheless I was missing someone who I shouldn't have been missing. I started feeling that everyone didn't want me around or they didn't like me. I started to live in fear of people again.
For the past few days I've been walking in rejection.
Rejection that the enemy was feeding me. I slowly morphing from a victor to a victim.
It wasn't pretty and I'm glad Im not on a reality television show…cause I would've been highly entertaining to the world with all my range of reactions. From thinking people hate me to feeling inadequate to the roles God has placed me in. I also felt I would never fulfill some of the dreams God has placed in my life. Then to top it off, I found a journal. One from my past. Describing how and detailed information of the relationship of the person I was missing from my past. I started looking at couples, and would want to bawl my eyes out. To be honest, I didn't want anybody to realize that me, a fulfilled and whole single young lady was aching over my past and complaining to God about the beautiful season I'm in.
I felt again rejection because I haven't had that connection with anybody even though I'm not in that season. I was lonely. I have been surrounded by friends and new people and still…lonely. But overall I also felt rejected. Unwanted and unloveable. All of which are lies. I was consuming and accepting lies. I quickly also became victim instead of my God given role as victor. Today God has placed friends, leaders, and His Spirit to say, "Stop. You are walking and picking up roles I have asked you to drop and cast off."
I want to encourage those who are dealing with rejection today to drop and cast off roles you were supposed to leave behind.
Romans 8:15-16 NKJV reads: For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, Abba, Father. The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, (Romans 8:15, 16 NKJV)
Take up your role as a child of God! Leave behind loneliness and rejection, they were not meant for you! We are adopted!!! Sons and daughters! We are accepted not rejected! God chose us! He sent His own son, of Himself, to die for those who rejected Him. To those who deny His hand in their life. To us in sin who were enemies. Because of His love and acceptance, we are adopted. No longer orphans. To those who cry out in loneliness, I beg you to cry out "Abba Father! Papa! I need you!" I promise you will find wholeness and completion in the arms of the One who chose to love you!
P.S. I burnt the journal. 🙂
God, I'm sorry for wallowing in self pity, for picking up the role of victim. I throw them off in Jesus' name and run to Your arms! I cry Papa! I cry Abba! I am Your daughter! I cry out to Your heart! Love me Papa! Love me! I cannot find love in he eyes of humans! I cannot find it in the past! I cannot find it in my heart! I need You to love me! I need Your presence! I need Your hugs! I need Your kisses! I need You! I cry come! Come into my life and destroy my old identity! Clothe me in the spirit of adoption as I find myself in Your eyes! I want to bury my face in Your robes! To nestle into Your presence and smell Your fragrance! I don't want lose You! I don't want to grieve You! I want to always know Your presence deeper and deeper! I crave Your presence! Abba! Father! Holy! Papa…Papa…Father….FATHER!
