I was at grandma’s house. The one that was sold after she died. The one that used to have the huge trees in the front that I used to pretend were teepee houses. I was barreling down the steps, my feet aching from the concrete slapping against my bare soles. But not enough to make me slow down.
Then I woke up.
I had the sudden realization that I wasn’t a child, I’m 22 and in Thailand. Weird. My feet still stung from the concrete steps my grandfather fell on almost every winter. My nose could still smell the roses that grew on the chain link fence that separated my grandparents’ yard from the neighbors that had the mean scotties. Yet I am anywhere but in that memory and anything but a scrawny, barefoot kid.
My dream reflected the way this race has made me a child. Kelsey, my teammate, gave word month one that I’m coming into a season of child-like faith. And just as I am still amazed at how bloomed snap-dragon flowers open when you pench them, I am still amazed at how much God loves me. And how much He’s given me. He’s been showing me so many spiritual gifts that I didn’t know I possessed and He’s growing me in them daily. I say things and stand amazed at the power He’s given me, knowing the words that just escaped my mouth came from His mouth first. It’s like being kissed by the spirit. And its just like that first kiss with that cute boy or that girl you can’t get out of your head. Your heart and mind reel with awe.
But these gifts also bring fear.
Am I good enough for this?
Will I be good at this?
Can I do this?
Is this right?
What if I fail?
And then God gives you amazing teammates and leaders to try and combat those fears. I was confessing my fears to one of my squad leaders, Katy, and she looked me in the eye and said, “He trusts you.” Not even four hours later, Kelsey (the same teammate who gave me “child-like faith”) kept getting the word “entrusted” for me, and she told me she thought it meant God was fully entrusting me with His power.
Crazy stuff. Right? I’m amazed. I’m so amazed at how God is showing me things about myself that I didn’t even know or understand. Even my dad encouraged me the other day with this text: “You’ve ALWAYS had a deep insight and been able to read deeper meanings from what people say & do. I’ve always felt that’s been the Spirit working in you and now that’s going to be utilized in ways we’ve never imagined.” It’s been a crazy two months. But only two months. And so much growth has happened. Not only in me, but also in my team and in my squad. Seeing 50+ young adults come into a new understanding and love for their Father while living out their stories with Jesus is so powerful. And in some ways so simple. We’re becoming children again. We’re simply wandering in wonder as Kelsey says. May we never lose our wonder.
