First, I will say this: I have absolutely nothing against those who get married and have kids at a young age or any age. If that is your calling, you rock those mom genes (see what I did there? Puntastic).
Second, I will say this: I am not called to this kind of life.
The “normal” gal, when picturing her life in 5, 10, or 15 years, will most likely see herself in a comfortable job, married, mothering a few kids. You know…the white picket fence, the golden retriever puppy, the endless amount of sippy cups in the dishwasher… That normal gal is in college right now, going after the career she wants or has already started her beautiful little family (shout out to my baby mamma friends).
When I picture my life in 5, 10, or 15 years, it’s a bit different. I can’t picture myself in any type of comfortable career. Because…well…I’d just get bored. Now the whole marriage thing is awesome. And God definitely put the desire to marry someone in my heart and I have faith that He will fulfill that desire someday. But, and this is a big but (another pun, don’t judge), I don’t want to have kids. And I have been in and out of college having no clue what I want to do with my life.
Countless people have told me I will change my mind about the whole kids thing and that may very well be. This issue has ruined a few romantic relationships (even though I am very upfront about it) and driven my mother crazy(which is super easy and fun to do). Now, I love kids. I really do. Kids are awesome and I love to play with them, learn from them, love on them, etc. However….kids are kind of like puppies (and boys), they’re all fun and games until they become a responsibility.
The thing is, I’m pretty certain this race will ignite something inside of me. I think this trip will give me direction and point me towards a path that I have desperately been looking for. This 92% of the year 2015 will be an incredible chapter in my life. A small story in the entire span of my life, but an incredible one. Donald Miller (my favorite author) wrote in A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, “Once you live a good story, you get a taste for a kind of meaning in life, and you can’t go back to being normal; you can’t go back to meaningless scenes stitched together by the forgettable thread of wasted time.” I have been wasting years while God has been whispering, “Get ready.” And at some point on the race He will say, “This. This is it.” Or He may not and I’ll just be a nomad for the rest of my life. Which I’d be fine with too.
Like I said, marriage is awesome. Having a career you know you will enjoy is awesome. Having amazing and beautiful babies is beyond awesome. But I am not willing to participate in marriage and kids if it causes me to give up a life-long story of adventure. I know that you can do both. I know that some do both very well. I know that some see that having and taking care of a family IS the adventure. But I also know that no matter what, having kids and having a mortgage and having a “career” definitely limits your ability to go on my idea of adventures. Or at least limits your ability to go on them without a thought or care and without a lot of planning.
I was not called to the white-picket-American-dream life. It’s not that I want better or bigger things…I just want different things. My story is and will be different. I am the tattered copy of The Hobbit that was mistakenly shelved with the Jane Austen novels (library metaphor).
When being interviewed for the World Race, my interviewer (whose name happened to be Hannah, and she was really cool so it must come with the name) asked if it would be a problem for me to stay single for the entire 11 months and the preparation for this journey. And I kind of laughed at her for asking. And then went on the rant that I am now expressing to you.
My life is very different than the average woman my age. My wants, hopes, and dreams are very different than the average woman my age. And God is constantly telling me that that is okay. And He promises me that He will give me that guy who will be willing to “Indiana Jones it” with me for the rest of our lives. He will give me direction in what I am supposed to do with the crazy story He has given me. All I must do is follow my path and delight in Him (Psalm 37:4) and trust in His timing (Ecclesiastes 3:1). So here’s to deep breaths and lessons in patience. Also, here’s to hoping that guy looks like a young Harrison Ford….just kidding….but like I’d totally be okay if he did.
I’d like to challenge you to live your story with purpose. Whatever that means for you. In closing, I’ll drop another Don Miller quote on you from his book Through Painted Deserts:
“And so my prayer is that your story will have involved some leaving and some coming home, some summer and some winter, some roses blooming out like children in a play. My hope is your story will be about changing, about getting something beautiful born inside of you about learning to love a woman or a man, about learning to love a child, about moving yourself around water, around mountains, around friends, about learning to love others more than we love ourselves, about learning oneness as a way of understanding God. We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and the resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn’t it?
It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.
I want to repeat one word for you:
Leave.”
