…Freedom…
Training camp was freeing, unifying, exciting, exhausting, pushed me to my limits, and made me fall in love.
But before I experienced that freedom, I had to be completely broken.
Here's my story:::
FRIDAY: My emotions were high. I barely slept & I found myself sitting at the airport feeling small & afraid. I began to journal (like I always do to relieve stress) and found myself reading this bible verse at the bottom of my journal: Daniel 10:19- God loves you very much…don't be afraid! Calm yourself; be strong-yes strong!! God reminded me in that moment: "I am made strong in your weakness & daughter this is my mission, not yours so trust me & rest." In that moment I put my fears, worries, doubts, & insecurities into a pretty little box with a bow & placed that package full of burdens & lies in my Daddy's hands. I was able to rest.
I met Davis first. He was sitting at the Atlanta Bread Company & immediately began to wave when he spotted me. I was thankful! In a moment my nerves calmed & I knew I had just found another "brother". Davis is quite possibly one of the sweetest boys I've ever met & a true southern gentleman. This next year will be easily spent with this silly boy. Then one by one the others began to arrive. Dani, Carly, Ashley, Lynn, & Marissa…I automatically fell in love with my sistas…like I always do.
Looking back now training camp was a whirlwind of love, the holy spirit, & family. Unity is the best way to describe dub (W) squad. We all took to each other immediately by His grace. I mean, really, how can 50-some strangers come together & become a family in less than a week without the work of the big man upstairs?
I wish I could describe every little detail to you-but that would take forever-so I'll pick three moments that impacted me the most:
1. Holy Spirit Worship:: Tuesday night after our teaching we invited the Holy Spirit to inhabit us. I, personally, was feeling very disconnected from the poppa & didn't get much out of it. I began to feel angry & was confused as to why I wasn't "feeling" the way others were acting. When the night ended I found myself lying in my tent praying fiercely, begging God to inhabit me, to fill me.
So you're wondering…why did this impact me?
Fast forward to Wednesday morning-sometime during worship Jesus & I had an extremely precious moment. I've decided to not share the beauty of it because I want to keep it between the two of us. What I will tell you is that the chains started to loosen & by Thursday night I was dancing, laughing, and filled with utter joy at the freedom that the Father poured out over me. I was so overflowing that I couldn't stop, not for one second. Ask & you shall receive. He definitely delivered.
2. Prophesy: Oh my word!! Prophesying over people never crossed my mind as something I would be given the ability to do. But my Daddy wants the best for me & He just continued to pour out His love over me. I was prophesied over & was given the ability to prophesy over others. Being in such sweet moments with Jesus & other believers like that is amazing. Truly being able to see God work in such big ways is absolutely overwhelming. He gave me the words to speak-WOW. We did an exercise where you had to pick a partner and stand in two lines facing each other. One line had to close their eyes while the other line of people had to move around and pick a different partner (therefore the person with their eyes closed had no idea who was in front of them). I was standing in line with my eyes closed & I felt a hand rest on my shoulder. Our squad mentor told us to begin to pray for whoever was in front of us and ask God what He wanted to tell that person. It all seemed to happen so fast-I had no idea who was in front of me but I trusted what the Lord was telling me so I just began to blurt out everything He was saying. Finally, we were able to open our eyes & my other sweet brother, Ray, was standing in front of me with tears streaming down his face. I was so overwhelmed, he was so overwhelmed, & all I could do was hug him. Oh how He loves us!
3. Squad Wars: Squad wars happened the last night of training camp. This moment impacted me because I truly saw the unity that God has placed on dub squad. I had seen it all week but in a moment it was manifested & bursting at the seams. I could physically see my brothers & sisters working in unity. We are a family. It sounds silly because Squad Wars is just something fun that's done on the last night of training camp to get everyone pumped up. But I truly saw God's hand at work in all of us. I'm so extremely blessed to have this family, these beautiful people who love me unconditionally & protect me always. My heart is so full just thinking about these amazing people that I have the honor of serving with & sharing my life with over the next year. I am so completely blessed.
So, future racers:::be prepared to be completely & utterly broken. It will hurt, you will cry, you may even want to quit…but my advice to you is push…push through it: allow yourself to be completely broken & fall into the arms of the only one who can save us, the only one who loves us so unconditionally that we will never even be able to fathom why…yet He does.
Thank you Daddy. (being able to call Him Daddy is a blog in itself!)
I only wish that I could tell you every story, every time Jesus revealed a little more of himself to me & I fell more in love with Him, every time I fell more in love with yet another "family" member, every laugh, every tear…but I can't, I can only tell you that the moment you decide to allow yourself to be completely & utterly broken in His presence will you truly experience freedom.
