My squad mate posted this on our Facebook page on Friday & it really hit home:

Believing God for super natural favor this week to meet our fundraising deadlines! We can not do it alone, but with God EVERYTHING is possible!!

God's Supernatural Favor

There is a distinction between natural favor and supernatural favor. Natural favor must be earned, but supernatural favor is a gracious gift from God.

First Samuel 2:7 says, "The Lord makes poor and makes rich; He brings low and He lifts up." A perfect example of this is found in the life of Esther. God raised her up out of obscurity to become the queen of the entire land. He gave her favor with everyone she met, including the king.

Esther drew upon that favor to save herself and her people from being murdered by the evil Haman. She may have been afraid to go to the king and ask him to intervene, but Esther knew she had favor with God and pressed on with complete confidence in Him.

Like Esther, we should live with the freedom and liberty that comes from living in God's favor. Regardless of the circumstances that come into your life, believe God for supernatural favor.

Despite how hopeless things may seem, God can lift you up. If your life is in His hands, the light of the Lord shines upon you.

Prayer Starter: God, I don't rely on natural favor. Instead, I want to live in Your supernatural favor. With my life in Your hands, I know You can lift me up.

& then Pastor Matt preached a very similar message at our Friday night service.

God is good.  He's so awesome in the way He communicates with me.

Satan is awful & he's been feeding me lies a lot the past couple of weeks.  I was wallowing in self-pity..thinking I wasn't good enough, wasn't ready, wasn't smart enough, not faithful enough to be doing kingdom work & I was feeling pretty beat up.  I finally realized what was going on & began to pray against it on Thursday night…then Friday morning I woke up to that post.  I am His, He chose me specifically, called me by name.  He wants & desires for me to live in the supernatural, in His supernatural favor.  Jesus bled & went to the cross to save me not so that I could live a "good enough" life, but so that I could live a life worthy of His death, a reckless abandoned life to Jesus, a life worth dying for.  Thank you Jesus.

…moving on…

In the last couple of weeks I've also been pondering what my "story" is.  I went to a class Pastor Matt was teaching & He was talking about how everyone has a story & that no story is too small.  He challenged all of us to spend time with God and ask Him to help us write our stories the way that He would want them to be told.  I pondered this thought & prayed about it for a few days before I decided to try and put pen to paper.

Those of you who know me well know that I am a writer.  I love to write & I love journaling.  So I began to pray & write down what I felt God was leading me to write.  As I wrote, I could feel a heaviness weighing on my heart & I began to sob.  As I re-read what I had been writing, I realized it was all centered around my father…who was non-existent in my life-my father who was never around to protect me from the evil that caught me as a child.  The words were painful & though my father left over 20 years ago & passed away 3 years ago, the emotions were still new, raw.  The real pain, though, came from the fact that I realized how broken I still am from him leaving & how much I push God away..not because I don't trust that He won't be an amazing father to me, but because I don't want to group him in that same category…yeah, I'm that broken over this.

Not being able to allow God to be my daddy is heartbreaking to me.  He's slowly & tirelessly pursuing my heart & holding my hand through this struggle of mine.  His patience is un-ending, His love is good.  He's perfect in the way he's placed certain men in my life as well to prove to me that not all daddy's leave their baby girls.  My brother (not by blood but might as well be) Josh was talking about how he reads & teaches my sister-his daughter (again not by blood but might as well be) about Jesus & I just began to sob.  Maybe men realize & maybe they don't…but a little girl having a daddy she can physically touch, one who's there to protect her from everything, & love her with no end is vital.  My heart is still broken from the abandonment I feel from my father.  Daddy's rise up-be there for your babies.  Thank you Jesus for holding my heart & my hand through this struggle.  I love you.

…lastly…

journaling..I mentioned I do it a lot.

My friend Savanna (brother Josh's wife) sent me a text the other day that said this:

The journaling you do is called "journaling God's heart"…I am reading this thing-it's called "soaking with a purpose" & it talks about your journaling..It says::"transcribing words, impressions, feelings, pictures, visions, or sensations experienced during soaking according to Habakkuk 2:2::Then the Lord said to me, "Write my answer plainly on tablets so that a runner can carry the correct message to others.  This vision is for a future time.  It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.  If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place.  It will not be delayed"  The end of this little explanation says that those who have this gifting of journaling God's heart produce a life which overcomes on a constant basis because of the revelations that are given to you through the mouth of God in your writing.

This made me heart full, it made me really realize God's love for me.  You may not understand that but it was a little something something that God gave to me right when I needed it.  That the words I write aren't just simply words on paper.  My prayers, dreams, praises, hurts, tears, & laughter are all transcribed on His heart, He holds them in a most special place.  Wow. Did I mention I love Him?

He's good people. I can't wait for this adventure.

thank you for your continued prayers & support.  my prayer is that you allow your savior to penetrate your heart, wake you up inside, and bask in His amazing love.