My eyes stung, burning with hot tears as my heart twisted in my chest. The words jumped off the page like embers jumping out of a hot fire. It had been a hard week, one thing after the other, and reading the words on these pages didn’t help with the pain I was already feeling.
I felt my heart sink as I continued to read the grave statistics that fill the pages of the book True Grit: Women Taking on the World, for God’s Sake. I read through the statistics of widows and refugees, poverty and child labor, trafficking, religious slaves, child brides, honor killings, child soldiers, and one that I found horrifically disturbing, female circumcision. My tears soaked the pages as I went through many different emotions: heartbroken, angry, horrified, helpless. Then I felt a feeling that that was extreme, I could feel the blood raging through my veins and my jaw clenched. I was feeling the extreme need for justice. I was feeling desperate to raise my voice for these people who have had their voice taken from them. I was feeling an insane amount of holy anger and my need to do something about this injustice was almost overtaking me.
I stopped. I prayed. I grabbed my journal and a pen. And then I did what I do best… I began to write.
I wrote with such fury that I thought my hand might fall off . My cries pleaded with God to show me how to help, how to stop the disgusting hate of this world. I wanted to make it alright. I wanted to make it stop, make it better. My heart ached for justice for these people and in that moment I felt so helpless knowing that all of these things are still taking place today, even as I wrote, even as you read this blog, even as you play with your kids and I teach English to these kids here. Horrific things are happening every moment and we are just continuing to live life.
I started writing this blog with a very different ending in mind, but as usual, God always grabs me and sits me down and teaches me. Over the past few days I’ve been pondering this blog and how to write it…actually, if I’m being honest, God put this topic of “injustice” on my heart at the beginning of last month in Cambodia but I had no idea how to start writing on such a huge topic. It was overwhelming. Over the last month and a half numerous things have happened that have re-opened my eyes to the horrific injustice that happens all over our world. The book was the last straw for me and God knew that.
God reminded me through His word, His teaching, and other people’s wisdom as well that you can’t always control what happens to you but you can control what comes through you. If you know me then you may know that I highly enjoy listening to Carl Lentz, Lead Pastor at Hillsong NYC. I do believe that God has anointed him with wisdom and he preaches the truth straight from the word of God. Over the past few days I’ve been reading the bible and asking God for answers and He has given them to me. I felt prompted to re-listen to some of the podcasts that I’ve downloaded from Carl and God definitely used them to speak to me about this situation. In one of his podcasts Carl states, “Yelling at our world about how bad it is doesn’t change it but letting our world know that in the midst of it’s badness how good our God is-that’s when things change.” He was talking about how when one christian praises God we have the power to break chains off of people who may not even want to be set free.
Yes, my anger burns hot at the injustice of this world. But if I just sit here and let the anger stir I am no different than the rest of this world. But if I stand up and lift my hands in complete surrender and praise my God who I KNOW is good, if I resist the temptation to fall into the hatred, even if it is hatred of a horrible thing, it’s still hate, and turn my back on it, God is going to do more than I can even see just by me praising how good He is. I think sometimes I forget that God knows exactly what’s going on down here and He doesn’t NEED me to fix the problem, He could fix it in an instant without me if He wanted to.
On my own, I can do NOTHING that will help this world. By His grace, He has chosen me to follow Him and He has put a fire in me to see this world change. He has given me the job of planting seeds and as long as I show up for my job, He will always show up for His: He will always water the seeds. He will always bless the hands of His soldiers. He knows the desires of my heart and He knows exactly how He will use me to help lead the lost home and bring glory to His name and justice to His people. I may not know, but He does, therefore I don’t need to worry. I could let the hatred of this world consume me and leave me feeling anxious or I could relinquish control and give it back to God-He never expected me to carry that burden on my shoulders anyway.
The only thing that I know how to do in this moment is praise God for who He is. This world and the injustice in it is big and it seems endless but God knows exactly how He is going to use you and me to help fight and be victorious over the hatred and injustice and sickening things of this world. And for that, I am able to breathe. I am able to lift up my hands to God and know that His ways are perfect and His plans for my life and how He will use me to fight for Him will be exactly how He planned it. I don’t have to try and fix all of these problems because I simply cannot, but He will use me because He knows I am available and I am willing to be obedient to His call, whatever that may be. God is able in all situations and we honor Him when we die to ourselves and become available and obedient to Him.
Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is ABLE to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to HIS POWER that is at work WITHIN US…
God is able and we are only made able through Him.
Open your heart and don’t forget to praise Him, always.
“Sometimes when your night is at it’s darkest, your praise needs to be at it’s loudest.” Carl Lentz
Allow Him to cradle you when you feel overwhelmed and remember that He has it under control. My prayer for you is that you will surrender your life to His will and make the decision RIGHT NOW that you are all in, fully available & fully obedient to WHATEVER God asks of you or calls you to.
