Humble Me

“So do you think that you determine how God moves because of your doubt, because of your lack of trust?” The words that formed that question almost four months ago in Costa Rica stung as I realized my answer was yes…”because friend, you don’t have that much power.”

At this particular moment in time, I was struggling pretty badly with the fact that I was doubting that God would provide for my funding which in turn meant for sure that He wasn’t going to because I didn’t trust Him.

These words are a precious gift that God gave to me through a dear friend who loves me enough to call me up, to call me higher. He gave me these words to teach me a lesson back then and they continue with me now. I find myself reciting these words in my head so often to remind myself that I can’t determine how God will move. I recite these words in an attempt to continually humble myself and remind myself of the power that I don’t have. I recite these words because I forget daily that I can’t determine how He will move or why…nor can I make Him move in any one particular direction. He cannot be manipulated.

Humble me, Lord.

As you read in my last blog, “Practice What You Preach”, coming into the country of India was not easy for me. It was really pretty hard and spiritually draining for the first few days and I wasn’t reacting out of the strength The Lord has given me-I was reacting out of my flesh and that took me nowhere fast.

I already had in my head that this month would be the worst without even giving God a chance to show me what He had in store for me. What a gracious and loving Daddy I have.  And not to mention, a gracious, loving, and kind people that I’ve been given here in northeast India…the BEST part of India.  This month has been my favorite and most amazing month thus far on the race. God knew exactly what I needed this month and continued to provide it even though I had a terrible attitude coming into it.

I don’t understand Him sometimes. How He can continue to bless me SO abundantly even after I’ve been the world’s biggest brat. It’s a testament to His love.

[[the woods where He meets me]]

This month He’s placed me in the middle of the mountains where I can wake up and sit in a wooded forest with the smell of pine surrounding me and watch the sunrise, which is what I’m doing at this present moment. He’s blessed me with amazing contacts who give us wifi, amazing food, a full sized bed to sleep in, warm blankets, use of their personal fireplace, if we want, and so many other things. But beyond those things He has placed us in the middle of a revival here in northeast India where young people are rising up and simply on fire for The Lord.

[[Alfred desires to be an evangelist & spread the word all over this world]]

College students are graduating in the multitudes becoming pastors, evangelists, and missionaries-locked and loaded ready to bring the word to their tribes and save souls in the name of Jesus. He’s blessed me with them.

[[the most handsome young men I know]]

Secondary students are being taught the word of God at the local Christian school where they make it a priority to memorize and recite scripture. Everyday before the students go home, some of them to Hindu homes, the students gather on the lawn and recite The Lord’s Prayer. An act that simply moves you to tears. He’s blessed me with them.

The local hospital frequently sets up free medical camps in the villages that are too far from the hospital. This way all of the people have a chance to not only be diagnosed and receive further treatment if needed, but more importantly, every patient sits down with a team and they hear the gospel of The Lord and in turn, prayers are lifted up on their behalf. He’s blessed me with them.

[[with our beautiful sisters helping to build the church]]

Local pastors, through their dedication to The Lord and to prayer, have been blessed financially to build bigger churches since the old ones were busting at the seams, not able to contain all of the people who are hungry for the word of Jesus. The beautiful thing to see is that not only are missionaries like myself coming and able to help with the construction, but the church body is there on a daily basis, dedicated to building their new home and helping in any way they can, even if it’s “only” to serve tea, which, let me tell you, is a huge and delicious blessing. He’s blessed me with them.

Oh, can you see the humbling taking shape? Can you see the blessings? You better believe I got on my knees real quick and repented for my actions. How can I, knowing what I have found in The Lord, continue to react in such selfish ways? How can He continue to forgive me, love me, and not become highly irritated or disgusted with me?
 

[[my favorite Isaac on this earth…he is a gem]]

Because He is love & His ways are perfect, they can’t always be explained. They won’t always be something that we understand, shoot, they may never be something we understand and we’re just gonna have to be okay with that.

He’s refining me everyday more and more into the woman that He originally created me to be. I believe He lets me have my “moments” to continually remind me of who He is and just how much He loves me… Because in a moment like this the world would turn their back and react to my reactions with disgust and hate. But God reacts out of love-every time. He graciously reminds me even though He shouldn’t have to. He’s the best part about me. I can’t, and don’t want to, live without Him.
 

[[James is the sweetest & one of the kindest humans I have EVER met]]

Walking with Jesus is not easy, He never promised it would be-He did say it would be really hard. Living and standing for something that the world can’t control baffles some people but it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. God is love and our goal is to try and imitate Him as best as we can and we can start by loving the people we share this earth with.

[[our bible quizzing group-can’t tell you how much fun the four days spent with them was]]

Every morning is a fresh start and a new day to be humbled before Jesus, our precious Jesus, and lift our hands up in surrender to The One that we can’t compare with, yet we are His most prized possession.
 
 Satan will always try to attack in the dark places…our spirit can feel it when Jesus isn’t being lifted up in a certain place.  Our spirit can also feel it when He is.  Stand strong in those hard times, be tough, fight the fight that we know is prepared for us and rest when He allows you to have rest.

 

As I continually realize the short amount of time that I have left with my new family here, I can’t help but be sad knowing I have to leave them soon.  I’ve literally already started my crying fits which is just who I am.  I need to stop apologizing for it.  But as it comes to an end, I am reminded by something I said in the first few days I was here:::

 

“This place is amazing, it’s not what I imagined, it’s so much better.  These people are beautiful and kind and so joyful.  I’m in love.  Their story is such a beautiful story of faith, trust, and complete obedience to The Lord.  And even as God was forming their story nearly 100 years ago, He had me in mind and knew that one day I would become a part of their story and they apart of mine.  I’m so humbled to realize that.”

 

I love you northeast India-and in the words of the song that James sang the other night:::

 

Time is now the enemy

I wish we didn’t have to say goodbye

I know the road He chose for me is not the road He chose for you

So let’s go chase the dreams we’re after

Pray for me & I’ll pray for you

Pray that we will keep the common ground

 

& one day love will bring us back around, again.