Or fingers to keys, rather.
I always have so much going on in this brain of mine. I just think, ponder, wonder, and dream. I envision my life that I feel like hasn't even really started. The promises of Jesus are scripted on my heart. The dreams he's placed into my head are becoming reality because of him.
Life is fleeting, we hear this often but do we ever change how we live because of it??
Or do we hear those words & think "yes so true", and then just accept the life that we have and continue living, not really thinking about every minute becoming the past?
A minute that we'll never get back. A moment in time that God wants to use to show His glory.
We're wasting time, ours & GOD'S.
That's unfair.
I don't want to waste God's time.
I have been completely wrecked. Jesus has been revealing things to me and really sitting so heavily on my heart in these last few months. I completely broke down last night simply at the thought of how he loves me and has always loved me. I literally cried for about three hours before I couldn't physically handle it anymore
& God gave me rest.
My feelings are kind of hard to explain.
The best word I can think of is completely overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed by His love, overwhelmed by the fact that I wanted him to physically sit in front of me
& wipe my tears away,
I was overwhelmed thinking about snuggling into Him & giving Him my pain.
I just wanted Him. His touch, his laugh, His witty comments that I know He has.
I wanted His humor & longed for Him to make me smile.
His VALIDATION.
& then…
I was overwhelmed at the fact that I am like Peter.
Better yet, I am Peter.
Petere, his love for Jesus was great, he was with Jesus always. Living with him, touching him, learning from him, & receiving his love always.
Peter defended Jesus & wanted to physically fight for Jesus but obeyed when Jesus told him to turn the other cheek.
Yet he denied Jesus three times.
That's where it hit me, straight through my heart..
just like a dagger.
& this is where the majority of my tears & pain came from.
I realized::
I am Peter
I love Jesus, so much.
I long for him & long to know him
I crave his presence & his teaching
Yet I continually deny him.
Oh I'm wonderful at giving him the glory in church, or around believers, or in the quiet of my time with just me and Jesus.
But at work?
at the gym?
with unbelievers?
I'm quick to deny him.
I'm quick to fall into the things of this world..
I am so good at adapting to who I am with.
& this does NOT please God.
This breaks His heart.
And who am I to break His heart?
I am nothing, without the sacrifice that Jesus made, I would burn for the rest of eternity & be forever seperated from the very one who created me, the one whom my soul
LOVES.
That was a hard truth that I finally decided to let penetrate me. I've, for so long, put God in a box & created a god who fit my world (thanks pastor matt for this hard realization-Jesus used you to reveal this to me)
But that's not what God wants.
He wants us to be fully surrendered to Him.
To completely trust that His glory is beyond our comprehension-that He does not and will not ever fit in any box that we as humans can fathom, because we can't even fathom who He is. Our little brains wouldn't even be able to handle it.
This world is broken, hurting, dead.
Jesus died, He sacrificed himself, so that we would have life.
Life, abundant.
He died so that there may be hope
Hope for the world, not just for christians.
He died for atheists & the homeless, He died for the religious people & the drug addicts,
He died for every single soul that has ever been thought of-because he created each and every one of us. & he passionately loves us.
Our job is to help deliver that hope, as believers, not just missionaries or pastors, every believer is responsible for this task.
So there it is. Will I surrender my life, accept his love & grace, trust his plan for my life & put my hope in Him? Will I live my life recklessly for Him?
And die for Him, if that's His plan?
My answer is YES.
I can't live without him and I refuse to live a life that doesn't have him in front of me, leading me. Holding my hand & continually giving him the glory. My mission is to show the world how God loves me & how He loves EVERY SINGLE SOUL on this earth.
LIFE IS FLEETING.
We're here & then we're gone. What will you do with this short time? Will you suffer on this earth to live in eternity with Jesus?
Or will you wish this life away & focus on petty dreams & spend eternity in agony begging for a second chance?
God is gracious & he's given us free will, he's given us a choice. He doesn't force us to love him. He simply gives us taht much in order to make our own decision.
What will you decide?
