I left God last month. I turned my back on Him and the outcome was terrible.
On the outside, last month in Peru was wonderful. I made lasting friendships with my host family and the people they had staying with them throughout the month. I know that if I ever head back I’ll have a place to stay.
All month Team Deep Pursuit stayed with our ministry host – the pastor of the church we were with. We cleaned the church, painted stairs and three Sunday School rooms, and created skits for church services and youth group. Overall, it was a pretty easy-going month.
And that’s where my trouble began.
Before I left for the Race I realized that I’m uncomfortable with the comfortable. I love adventures; God has made me to be adventurous for Him. When I’m on an adventure I’m not living life in comfort. Once I start getting comfortable I lose sight of God. Things start becoming easy and I start believing I can do things on my own. I desire to be in a place where I’m always seeking the Lord. I desire to always be in an adventure.
Last month I was living outside the States, in a country that spoke Spanish, and with a family that spoke no English. Yet I still became comfortable. Nothing I did screamed out “Lord, help me!”
I left God. I stopped waking up early for my quiet time with the Lord, stopped praying throughout the day, and stopped seeking the Lord in every moment. Because I stopped desiring to be in God’s presence I became a different person. Last month I had an attitude and tone towards my teammates and God. Since I wasn’t in His presence or the Word my whole being was affected.
At the beginning of this month we had debrief in Quito, Ecuador for a few days. During that time God spoke a lot with me. The most powerful was what we discussed the first day of debrief. I was starting Revelation and was all ready to read a nice chunk of it (you know, catch up on my reading that I didn’t do in Peru) until I read chapter 2. I didn’t even get through the chapter, only the first 7 versus, before God gave me a wake-up call. He used 4 and 5 to speak light into my life – But I have this agent against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first.
The church of Ephesus hated evil and had patient endurance, but they lost the love they once had. God showed me that I have a passion for missions, but while I was in Peru I abandoned the love I first had.
Leaving God that month and getting comfortable not only affected my relationships with my teammates, but also had me lose the love I used to have. I’m not sure what that love looked like or how I’m going to get it back, but God and I are working on it.
Most of the time we like to forget the bad times in our life. We may pray and work hard to erase those memories from our mind so then we never have to look back on them. They are too painful for us to remember.
This month I’ve been attending an English speaking church that I attended three years ago when I spent a semester in Quito. On one Sunday the pastor said something that has helped me with these painful memories from last month. He was telling about his life before Christ and then said this – “I don’t want to forget those days because then I can remember how I don’t want to live.”
I don’t want to live another day like I did last month – being comfortable and turning my back on God. So I’m going to pray and work hard to remember my time in Pucallpa, Peru during November 2014. That way I can remember the good times and friendships that were created, but, most importantly, I can remember how I don’t want my spiritual life to be ever again.
I don’t know how He did it, but God pulled me back to the place where I realized He is the Savior; the One who deserves my 110%.
Blessings,
Hannah
