So here’s the deal. One week from today I leave good ole Knoxville, TN to begin my 11-month adventure. I don’t actually have to be at launch until August 4th, so instead, I will be heading to one of my teammate’s house to get some pre-launch bonding in! (Ha. She’s going to be so tired of me in 4 months and wishing she could have had that one day of peace. But too late! You are stuck with me!) Then we both will head to launch! Ahhhhhh!!! We will stay in Atlanta for a few days before heading out of the country for our first month in the Ivory Coast! WHAT WHAT!!
Anyways, I want to share with you guys what has been going through my heart recently, because as you may know…AIM is big on vulnerability. And this is me working on that. 🙂
So, as a season of my life ends and another begins, I find myself doubting myself and God at times. I find myself questioning my decision to leave my stable 9 to 5 “All-American Dream” lifestyle. I find myself doubting God’s call to take this step in my faith. I mean, what if this whole time I have been concocting this image of me holding little orphan babies to satisfy my will, instead of His? What if all along, I was never meant to be here? What if I am not good enough or worthy enough?
As all of these thoughts flood my mind, I have to realize that I am weak and constantly faltering in my faith. Satan tries to attack me and pull me down, but God is unwavering in His love and grace and picks me up. He has called me to a life of devotion to Him, despite the fact that I often feel so inadequate. Henry T. Blackaby says “the reality is that the Lord never calls the qualified; He qualifies the called.” And thank goodness for that. Seriously.
But through all of my doubt and feelings of unworthiness, I came across a verse. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
This verse struck me hard. Knowing that my weaknesses and struggles only draw me in closer to Christ is powerful. God doesn’t look at my doubts and tell me to get it together. He looks at my weaknesses and sins and says, “Come near to me. I will make you strong. My grace is sufficient for you. And I am all you need.”
I won’t attest to having it all together. Far from it, actually. But, having the knowledge that I can boast my weaknesses and doubts to the world and not feel ashamed, because I have the power of Christ resting upon me is amazing…for lack of a better word. In fact, my hope over the next year is that I can continue to be vulnerable and boast, or rather SHOUT my weaknesses and struggles out to the world, releasing any guilt and shame I have buried inside. And when those feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness creep in, I can SHOUT, because I can rest knowing that those lies from Satan have no place in His plan for me. His power is made perfect in my weakness. And I have to believe that God’s decision to call me away from my job, friends, and family have a purpose. And that my saying “yes” to the World Race was the first step in satisfying His will, not mine.
-Hannah
Fundraising update: I AM FULLY FUNDED!! See?! He qualifies the called!
