I’m going to be really honest with you; I have zero words to explain the 11 days spent in Gainesville Georgia, training for the World Race. On day 3 or 7 of camp (honestly I couldn’t tell you, it’s one massive blur) I remember writing in my journal, “How do I explain what I have experienced Lord? How do I share and testify to what you have done in me and what I have seen you do in others?!” So bear with me as I try my best, knowing that I’m frustrated at the lack of words I feel like I can use to describe the way God met me exactly where I was in the midst of the mess.
Can we real talk for a second? My journal entry on June 16th (day 9 of training camp) says, “What is life. What is training camp? What is the World Race? What is this craziness that I love and loathe all at the same time? These strangers are my family. These strangers are teaching me, molding me, and growing me. I love them. How can I love a group of people that I have JUST met? Why is this so hard but so easy at the same time? Why can I not finds words for what has gone on? Help Lord, please help! Thank you for what you’ve done, thank you for what you are doing, and thank that you will not leave me in this place of joyous confusion.”
Honesty bomb: I’m still in the joyous confusion, y’all. It’s day 4 of being home and every time I try and explain training camp I get so overwhelmed and frustrated. Then frustration becomes excitement, and then excitement turns to exasperation and in time turns back into excitement and frustration! Want to jump on the crazy train with me?!
I’m actually ok with the joyous confusion because guess what? This IS a confusing yet insanely joyous time! I leave for launch in 44 days and during those 44 days I will be teaching swimming lessons, going to San Francisco for a wedding, teaching more swimming lessons, going to Montana for a wedding, teaching more swimming lessons, trying to find a home for the minimal possessions I will be keeping, trying to sell everything else, and then packing up to leave for an ENTIRE year. Is it ok that I’m so insanely overwhelmed but so over the moon excited?! I hope so!
Another journal entry was simply: SUFFICIENT – enough; adequate.
This was one word that was spoken over me that I clung to during my time at camp and have continued to since coming home.
You see, I’m one of those people who always has a running list. My idea of a productive day would be falling into bed each night with my tidy little checklist completed. In December of 2014 I started the application to launch with the World Race in September of 2015. I had just a few more steps in the application process…but I freaked out and didn’t complete it. I was in a weird place relationally and it was taking a much larger toll on my heart than expected and I got cold feet. I didn’t feel ready, I didn’t feel like I had enough of my spiritual checklist checked and I didn’t feel adequate to pursue something like the World Race. While I’m glad I waited and I know God’s timing is perfect, I still struggle so much in surrendering this area of my life to The Lord. On night three or four (again, a blur) my squad mentor reached out to me and shared the word sufficient with me. It rocked me. Knowing that I was and am sufficient in Christ BECAUSE of CHRIST. Right?! Like, it’s common knowledge that in my weakness He is made strong yet it’s one of those areas that is so incredibly hard for me to surrender. I want to approach the Throne of God with all areas of my life sporting a perfect little white bow, so when one area or many (lets be real) is a hot mess, I’m paralyzed. I’m stuck in the doorway of the Throne Room, I so frantically want to tie the bow on the box on my own or leave the untidy box out of the Throne Room but God wants and desires to have all of it! The messy, unorganized, broken, hurting boxes, all of them. HE wants to tie the bows or sit with me while I sort through them and be my anchor while I do so. Picture that. He wants to sit with me in my mess. Wow.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! It’s not easy putting your heart out there! But I know this is just one of many hard things I will be asked to do. If God has laid it on your heart would you pray for me and consider giving a gift of any amount to help send me around the world to learn from and bring hope to many? I am about $6,000 away from being fully funded. Sounds like a lot, but that’s nothing to God! I am trusting Him!
