This past month my team was sent to an island in Lake Nicaragua for four days. We got the opportunity to literally help build a church, bring sand from the beach, sift it, mix the cement, and dig the foundation. What an amazing opportunity! I was so excited to have a part in it!
We pulled up to the dock at 7 in the morning. We trudged through the water with our backpacks on our heads and hopped into the boat. There were 19 of us on the boat. It took us almost 2 hours to reach the island.
It was not what I was expecting. I didn’t know how to handle it.
The shack the pastor and his family lived in was shocking. Two small rooms and a kitchen the size of a closet. We had 15 girls on the island so we split up between the bedroom, hammocking and tenting. I shared a bed with 3 other girls, we all laid sideways on it.
The toilet consisted of a tin shack build around a hole in the ground. There was no sink anywhere on the property, they brought up buckets from the lake. Showers? There was no such thing. Everyone bathed in the lake. Speaking of the lake, that is where the water came from that they drank, cooked with, and washed dishes with. I was sure everyone on that island had parasites. If we would have tried to drink the water we would have gotten so sick. A few girls did get a bacterial infection anyway just from living conditions.
For food we were fed rice and beans for almost every single meal. Breakfast they were accompanied by eggs, lunch and dinner we ate them with fish. There was one day we ate armadillo with our lunch. It tasted like chicken but I probably would have liked it more if I haven’t seen the tiny animal pre-lunch.
The second day we were there we woke up to millions of gnats. They were in swarms. And they were everywhere. In your water, in your food, you inhaled them as you talked, the buzzed in your ears, my bible now has a page with 8 squished gnats between its pages. EVERYWHERE.
My excitement for building the church soon dwindled. It was hot. I was covered in bugs. The toilet was disgusting. I felt sorry for those kids and almost angry at their parents. Grenada was a 2 hour boat ride away. Why live out on this island?
I took on an attitude of entitlement. The way these people lived was wrong. I wanted to leave. I didn’t think these were ideal conditions to live in. And I was right. These conditions were not ideal, but this is the way over half of the world lives. As Americans we feel our way is always right and we need people to change for us. It goes along with an issue of control. Because whether I liked it or not, I could not change the way this family lives or tell them it was wrong. Paul says in Philippians 4:11 “I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to brought low, and I know how to abound. In every and any circumstance I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
When I returned back to Grenada I received a note from someone on my squad. They had received a word from God for me. Never have I been so ashamed of my actions. It reads, “you are on a journey where poverty and hopelessness may seem plentiful. I have guided you here because you see a person not by their circumstance but by their heart. You see them as I have intended, as my beloved sons and daughters. You carry me in your spirit, in your smile. You carry me in the way you love. You remind my children that they are more than their circumstance. In these ways you glorify me!”
Shame shame and more guilt and shame.
This note was accurate, it is what I usually do. I can love people. Whatever situation I can look past it and just see them. I didn’t do that on the island. I ignored the island kids because I was didn’t know how to speak the language, or I was too tired. I didn’t get to know the women cooking our food because well, it didn’t matter to me. They were busy, we were busy, I didn’t make it a priority. I didn’t get to know the workers because they just gave us work to do and we did it. They weren’t there to chat with us. I made it through the whole 4 days without even knowing who the pastor was! I never introduced myself.
I got a small glimpse of my selfishness on the last day, when I talked to 6 year old Danny, the pastors son, A.K.A the most adorable Nicaraguan I’ve met. We swam in the lake together and looked for clams. He took me around and introduced me to all the other island children. When he found a rock and swam over to give it to me I realized how much I had missed on that island. I had a few hours of being his best friend. I could have had 4 days with him.
God calls us out of our comfort zones for a reason. We can choose to press into that or try and resist and stick to the way we have always done it. I believe he wants us to grow. But so many times I miss that growth because of stubbornness.
When those times of growth come lets choose to be sculpted. He has plans to make something beautiful.
