This is not a blog to get answers. This is me writing down my feelings and struggling to find answers for what is going on in my head. They are raw and jumbled. The night we visited Walking Street in Thailand left me lost in my own head and blindly groping for the only thing I know for sure. And that is Christ and his steadfast love and faithful plan.
In Pattaya there is a street called walking street. This street is part of the red light district. This street is full of darkness; full of evil. As you enter the street, tourism police sit at tables eating and joking. It is just a normal night. Police officers there to keep the order. I gave a pathetic laugh as we passed by. Nothing about that street contained control or order.
Women lined the front of strip clubs and bars wearing next to nothing calling out to the dozen of men that walked past. When we would walk past, their eyes looked just above our heads. It was haunting, as if they didn’t even see us. They were only interested in the men. Men stood in the streets with menus seeing if they could interest you in purchasing a beautiful, naked young woman. There were different costs for times and services they would provide to you.
Clubs advertising women of around the globe. The women posed in glass boxes above the sign. People come from all over the world to this place. For one night you can get anything you want to curb that desire you have.
In a place that evil what do you feel?
I felt angry.
What kind of people allow this? Every night they open their bars and strip clubs, making a profit off exposing and degrading women and feeding the desires of broken men. How do you drop to such a level that you have no shame in an area like this. A place where women aren’t seen as women. They are objects- dehumanized to the point of a tourist attraction and another paycheck. The men are seen as the money they hold in their pockets, thinking another night of happiness awaits on this strip. The policemen sit there watching the night play out, tour guides lead groups of people through the street pointing out points of interest, there are selfies being taken and family pictures being taken in the middle of it all. Please tell me why in our world this is an acceptable part of society?
I felt like the trust of men that I have been slowly building up was taken out with a sledge hammer.
The first time I had experienced something like this in Costa Rica I was angry at the men. But this time I think I felt something worse; indifference. I no longer cared why they were there, what their story was, or wanted to pray with them. I wanted them gone. I didn’t want to have to look at them filling the street. I wished they didn’t exist. I walked around there with a drop dead attitude. It least when I was angry at them it was some kind of emotion. Now I had none. I didn’t care about them. What kind of man can stand in the street and mule over a menu of women like he is deciding between a cheeseburger or a chicken sandwich at McDonald’s? One that didn’t deserve much of anything in life.
I felt my heart breaking for these women.
As we sat down with one of them she wasn’t in the conversation. We talked about her family and where she was from and her tattoos. She looked at the girl behind us giving a stranger my age a lap dance and she almost looked envious. Honestly, I didn’t blame her, and how could I? This was her job and instead of making money to send home to her family she was stuck talking to the three American girls who knew nothing about what she had experienced in life. I wouldn’t want to sit for hours and share my hopes and dreams to someone who showed up in the middle of my shift. We could tell her she is beautiful but she hears that sentence probably over 100 times a night. Nothing surprised her anymore. She was working, and when that is your occupation you have seen it all and know how to shut down your emotions.
I felt hopeless.
I felt like, that night, Satan had won. Everywhere I looked I saw greed, slavery, brokenness, and immorality.
Break my heart for what breaks yours Lord. How many times have I prayed that prayer. I’ve heard people say it’s a blessing I feel this deeply about it but honestly I wish I could forget about it. I wish I didn’t go and have to see that kind of evil.
I wanted to leave but could not pull myself away.
I wanted to know where God was.
What kind of God allows this to happen over and over every night? It haunts me at night when I’m trying to sleep. Because, even though I’m not there on walking street I know she is. I know there are still men buying girls and there are still girls thinking that is all their worth amounts to. There are still police who sit and let all of this take place. There is still money being made so no change is going to happen anytime soon.
As I walked around I prayed over these people. But I looked around and thought, where are you God?
That night I bought a homeless woman and her son a sandwich. I bought a drink and sat down with a beautiful young lady and gave her a break from men for 10 minutes. I covered that street with prayers and pleas to God to make this stop. Then I left. And that is where my brain wanders and slowly begins sneaking in lies that I didn’t do anything worthwhile. The problem is too big. What could your squad do in one night? What did you do? That girl doesn’t even remember your name.
What is left now is to trust. I need to TRUST God that he did something and is continuing to do something in Pattaya. He LOVES these people and every night his heart is broken. He has a plan for Pattaya and for one night I got to be part of it. He loves the women selling their bodies and the men buying them up. He even loves the people running the operations. Every person is on his heart and he is writing out the steps for their lives. This isn’t about me and what I feel. It is out of my hands and into the one who is able to do immeasurably more than I could even imagine. When those thoughts come up that there is no hope…
these are things I know and cling to:
Isaiah 55:9
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Galatians 6:9-10
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone..
1 John 4:4
Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.
John 16:32-33
Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me. I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
Psalm 34:18
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
Revelation 21:4
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.
In the mist of the confusion, in the mist of the pain, God’s got this.
