Recently I’ve been reading the story of Queen Esther. We all know the story- a beautiful Jewish girl chosen by King Xerxes to be his queen, risks her life and ends up saving her people. This is of course a very short version of the story. The story of Esther is one I have been familiar with for years- I heard it in Sunday School, read it myself a few times, heard sermons on it, discussed it on an ‘intellectual’ in college, etc. I’ve never really considered the possibility that I could relate to it. I always thought, “great story! Esther rocks! She was so brave!” But, I never went any further than that. Yet, this time around I found hope and courage for myself in the story of Esther.
In chapter 4:16, Esther responds to Mordecai, telling him she will speak to the king and one line has continually has stuck out in my mind this past week: “When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.” It’s amazing to me that Esther was willing to die for her people. What is even more amazing to me is that Esther was willing to do this despite fear. Earlier in the chapter Esther tells Mordecai (4:11), “All the king’s officials and the people of the royal provinces know that for any man or woman who approaches the king in the inner court without being summoned the king has but one law: that he be put to death. The only exception to this is for the king to extend the gold scepter to him and spare his life. But thirty days have passed since I was called to go to the king.” You can see here that she wasn’t necessarily excited or “on board” with the idea of speaking to the king. The idea of approaching the king without him calling for you was just not something done, particularly by a woman. She really did not know what would happen yet, she put her fear aside and did what she knew God wanted of her.
As I was thinking of Esther and chapter 4 this past week, the World Race kept coming to mind. I am afraid to go at times. I am also incredibly excited but I still have moments where I have to take a deep breath when I think about June 1 and the months to follow. The idea of being away from all my friends and family is a little daunting. Leaving the kids I nanny is really hard for me to think about. I’m afraid to miss out on the life I know right now for a year, what will happen in everyone’s lives while I’m gone. I am afraid that I won’t be able to cut it out there in the missions field, that I won’t have the strength or determination I need. I’m afraid I won’t get all the funding I need. I have even been afraid of admitting I’m afraid because I didn’t want others to think I was doubting my place on the World Race. But, despite all these fears, I know that God has placed the desire in my heart to be part of the World Race. I can’t take the easy way out and find a shorter, simpler trip. He wants me there, so I have to be there. Esther’s story has really given me hope for myself. She followed God and He used her to save His people. He gave her the courage she needed; He can give me the courage I need. He will lead me through, He will quiet my fears, He will provide for me in every way possible. These are truths that I know and believe but occasionally I need a reminder. Thanks Esther!
God Bless.
