10 days.
10 nights.
240 hours.
It wasn’t all easy and it wasn’t all fun, but it was beautifully raw. I am referring to the world race training camp. I am back home and finding it difficult to put words to paper. Questions like, “How was it?” “What did you do?” have been repeatedly asked and my answer has yet to change. “It was an exhausting experience but undeniably revitalizing.” Let me attempt to put words to this experience.
Heading into camp, my nerves were on edge. I was moments away from meeting those who I’d be in company with for the next 11 months. This was not a conventional situation, which explained the unexpected feelings I had before arriving. Despite all my uncertainties, my nerves were short-lived. Within seconds of the meet-and-greets, I knew I belonged here.
Looking back, I couldn’t have done it [camp] without them [my new family of 55].
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” -Brene Brown
It is a conscious effort to let yourself to seen and to let yourself be known. For my heart to yield something greater…all it took was showing up just as I am.
Truth is, I’ve [you have] always had the choice to freely be me [you]. For some crazy reason, my life has been filled with the lie that being just me wasn’t impressive enough [BIG FAT LIE].
Avoiding vulnerability is an easy task, but overtime the heart becomes weighted. Throughout camp, my heart was heavy. My journal reads, “it hurts to focus on the heaviness, but the weight is real and must have a reason for existing. A reason I surely need to find”.
I needed to find the roots to this heaviness.
“Why are my buried wounds surfacing?”
“Why do I need to forgive that person?”
“I thought I had dealt with this years ago?”
“That’s too insignificant to be a real problem”
These thoughts constantly tiptoed into my mind. At first, I gladly ignored them, but my heart grew heavier. A friend reminded me that my emotions aren’t invalid and that I need to be a catcher of my own story. So I did just that. I accepted my emotions and allowed them to bring me to my wounds [yes, it was scary but oh so freeing!].
“Vulnerability is an avenue for Christ to be known”- Carly Brown [you are a gift].
I’m thankful my deep wounds surfaced, because things got real [real fast]. For the first time, I became aware of my own [handcrafted] walls of imprisonment that surrounded my life. The walls were built from a lifetime of soaking up lies and accepting shame. Once I knew the walls were there, I wasn’t going to stop until they came crashing down. [Little did I know, He had been waiting to set me free for years].
“It took a physical journey, to complete a spiritual journey”– Kingdom Journeys by Seth Barnes.
Training camp was just as much a physical journey as it was a spiritual journey. From early morning workouts, to unusual [uncomfortable] sleeping arrangements, to NO COFFEE. That’s right, folks- I went 10 days WITHOUT coffee. I could write a blog solely on what I learned through that struggle. [To sum it up, it was life changing]. I needed to be physically broken down, so that my [spiritual] heart would yearn for [only] Him.
The more I became aware of how blinded I was to His beauty [because of my suffocating walls], the more I craved Him. I have spent a lifetime building up these prison walls and in seconds He knocked them down. God is powerful. God loves to love me. I had no idea. How could I have been so blind?
“Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone’s chains came loose.” Acts 16:26
10 days. 10 nights. 240 hours.
In that amount of time, in that amount of space- walls were broken and spaces were filled [filled with abundant life].
*You know something is different when you’re watching the sunrise and you see new colors. My eyes are no longer blind, I see my maker.
10 days. 10 nights. 240 hours- 55 people lived in raw community. We became a team for Him. We needed God and He wanted us to need Him.
10 days, 10 nights, 240 hours was exactly what I needed to see His timeless grace.
10 days, 10 nights, 240 hours was the time He used to take my heavy heart and restore it to the weight of a feather.
10 days. 10 nights. 240 hours.
That is what it took to fall in love.
In love with my squad mates.
In love with who I am.
In love with Him.
