For the last six years, worship songs get stuck in my head for weeks, sometimes months, at a time, and they always reinforce what God is teaching me. Since the beginning of May, Lay Me Down has been a constant voice in my head reminding me of humility, servanthood, and sacrifice.
Most of the time, I’m an all-or-nothing kind of person. Honestly, it even surprises me sometimes. Most of the time, it means that I take things seriously. I am, for most intents and purposes, a somewhat serious person.
Being an all-or-nothing, serious kind of person often leads me to believe that it has to come easily, that I have to be okay with every aspect of every endeavor, or else I’m somehow not fully committed.
With this context, you may see why it is hard for me to admit to myself, and other people, that there are things about The World Race that are hard. Things that make me uncomfortable, things that scare me, things that are sometimes powerful enough to make me doubt and reconsider.
AIM shared “Don’t Sign Up For The World Race” with the September squads recently. Go ahead and read it.
Many of my friends like to play ‘Make It or Break It’ at retreats. It’s a get-to-know-you game, that entails coming up with a potential flaw of an otherwise perfect significant other, and deciding on whether or not you would make the relationship work, or break it off. Sometimes, the scenarios are silly (make it/break it: they say everything in rhyme), but other times, they reveal a lot about our person and priorities (make it/break it: they do not want to have children).
Lately, I have received a lot of pushback about whether or not WR is really for me.
Maybe you haven’t thought it through. You don’t actually know what you’re getting yourself into.
They have a point. I don’t exactly know what I’m getting myself into.
As I went through Jessica’s blog post a few weeks ago, even though I’ve read it before, I found myself, or perhaps it was God, asking: Make it or break it? Is this a deal breaker?
I settle on no, every single time. Make it.
With every make-it, there is something you can catch in the tone of the answer. Some make-it responses are prompt, breezy; it’s not even a question. Others are answered with careful thought and deliberation.
In my case, I couldn’t care less if my hypothetical husband spoke in rhyme for the rest of his life, but not having children would require a lot more evaluation and prayer.
The same goes for WR. Wearing the same clothes for a year doesn’t bother me at all, but the prospect of a teammate seeing me at my worst is terrifying. Support-raising is challenging, yet humbling. Having strained relationships with people who don’t understand why I’m doing this is enough to tempt me into giving up, every single day.
I would be lying if I said that none of these things matter to me.
Not every make-it is easy. But time and time again, God reminds me that He doesn’t expect me to be okay with everything. After all, surrendering my life to Him, by definition, requires sacrifice. I believe He is worth it.
On my own, I cannot be fully committed, I can’t be all-in. But by His grace, through the power of the Holy Spirit, I can have the strength and faith to keep walking on in this adventure.
On a related note, training camp is in five days. Just thinking about it overwhelms me, so living it probably will too.
Please pray for me. Please pray for my (currently unknown) team. Please pray for Z Squad. Pray that we would love and serve each other with humility and grace, that we would be intentional in community. Pray for unity and joy. Pray that we would be encouraged and uplifted, that God would be praised and glorified.
Pray for miracles to happen.
We are deeply thankful for your prayers, partnership, and unending support.
