One of my most favorite quotes is by America’s favorite funny girl, Tina Fey. When faced with potentially life-altering situations, she quips, “Say yes, and you’ll figure it out afterwards.”
Sitting here, perusing my Pinterest to try and choose a quote to kick this blog off with a bang (after all, when we need inspiration for writing, where else can we look besides allowing other people’s words to guide us into our own revelations?) I’m struck with the simple fact that maybe there aren’t really any words to sum up how I’m feeling right now.
Maybe I don’t feel adequately equipped to divulge these feelings because there are no words yet. Maybe that’s okay.
Maybe all I have to do is just say yes, and, like Tina promises, the details will work themselves out later.
Maybe that’s what it really means to answer God’s call in our lives; maybe we just have to walk through the open door that He’s put in front of us, and He provides the path from there. He provides the path, the lamplight to guide our feet, and He provides the life-giving words we need to survive on this tireless journey called life.
Two months ago, I was sitting in church on Sunday, listening to a good sermon by a devoted pastor when I felt the Holy Spirit begin to whisper into my heart. My pastor diverged from his topical sermon about the church in Corinth, and went on a seemingly-random-yet-so-extremely-relevant tangent on the state of the world today. He emphatically engaged such difficult topics as the world refugee crisis, global water crisis, international human slavery crisis, and as I listened to him cry out words of sorrow and compassion for this broken world, I felt the call of the Holy Spirit echoing in my heart. Go.
“Go? Go where?”
Go.
“You cannot be serious.”
Go.
“Lord, reconsider, please. I am not equipped to help anyone! I can’t save the world from contaminated water- I can’t find a home for every human being who has lost their country! I can’t rescue every soul sold into bondage to pay off a family member’s debt!
I am NOT a missionary, Lord, I’m a student. I have a lot of chemistry classes to take; I have sharks to study! I want to pay for Scuba certification classes so that I can someday spend an insane amount of money traveling the world at my leisure to dive the Sea of Cortes and the Great Barrier Reef. I don’t want to give my life up for the world.”
And still, despite my shameful refusal, my ugly dispute, the ever-constant thrum of the Holy Spirit echoed Go.
“Okay, fine. You’re the almighty omnipotent one, after all- so why don’t you tell me where I’m supposed to go, then. If you want me to go so bad, how about revealing a few details here, hmm?”
Never place a bet with God. I promise you will loose every time.
Suddenly, the World Race was laid so heavily on my heart, I could feel it drop out of my chest cavity and settle into the very soles of my shoes.
“Lord, have mercy! Eleven months? Eleven countries? I’ve never even gone on a missions trip before! Surely I can’t be qualified to undertake such a massive task!”
Go. Have a heart for my people. Meet them where they are at, that your hands may be used to spread my Kingdom into the world.
Tears began to flow freely from my eyes. Despite my abysmal attitude, and my rebellious challenge of His absolute authority over my life, I knew in the very center of my own soul that this exchange was real.
What felt like an initial breathtaking punch to the gut was followed with an all-encompassing, overwhelmingly loving embrace. Praise be to our God and King in Heaven for his unrivaled mercy and abounding love.
The Lord had reached out and touched my heart that morning. He had placed a word and a call on my life, and I knew even then, sitting in my metal fold-up chair in our humble little ballet-studio-housed-church, that I must respond.
During communion later on that morning I bowed my head, cheeks wet with tears- overwhelmed at the profundity, unexpectedness, impossibility and immense gravity of what had just taken place. Out of what I can only describe as utter, absolute conviction, I sought forgiveness for my rebellion and for my hard heart.
“Oh, God, please. Forgive my rejection of your word and call on my life. Forgive my hard, unbending heart. Forgive my horrendous pride. I don’t fully understand the depth of what you’re asking, but if you are calling me, then I will go. If I can be used, please use me. I will be willing. Lord, I am willing.”
That morning, I chose to just say yes. The details will fall into place later, I decided.
And some of them certainly have- I was accepted into the World Race, I have committed my non-refundable deposit, and have begun embarking on the navigation of these tricky waters of missionary life.
However, even though a solid two months have passed since that initial conversation with the Holy Spirit, I still don’t have all the details figured out- in fact, very far from it!
If I’m going to be frank with you all, I have to raise almost $17,000 in order to embark on this journey and that honestly scares the absolute crap right out of me.
But you know what scares the crap out of me more?
The world.
Faulty immunizations. Trusting other humans. Earthquakes. Plane crashes. The thought of loosing my passport in another country where English is severely low on the language-speaking totem pole. Disease. Terrorism. Not being able to hug and kiss my niece for an entire year. Loved ones getting married. Loved ones dying.
All of these things terrify the living daylights out of me, and if I were being called to complete this journey on my own strength, I would fail miserably and I would be susceptible to many, if not all, of these nightmares. However, I can take courage and find nourishment in the fact that my God is bigger than the world.
2nd Timothy 2 reminds us what it means to good soldiers for Christ, and this is a passage that lays heavily on my heart when I think about the upcoming Race.
“Remember Jesus Christ, risen from the dead, the offspring of David, as preached in my gospel, for which I am suffering, bound with chains as a criminal. But the word of God is not bound! Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they also may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory.” (Vs. 8-10, ESV translation.)
“But the word of God is not bound!”
How encouraging to my soul to know that I am following the command of a God that surpasses all worldly anxieties and dangers, who loves this world so very much that He has sent His only son to die for the sins of all, that they may find eternal salvation.
Who am I to fear the opportunity to spread this message of hope and good news to countless souls across eleven different nations?
And so, friends, I welcome you to take this journey with me as I blog my way across the world, discovering what it’s like to actively pursue a life that imitates Christ and delivering hope and entering into community with the least of these, just as He did so graciously and compassionately during His time on this earth.
Please pray for my team during this time, as we all began to meet each other and learn a little about each other, please be praying for all of the squads launching on all of the routes (4 total) for the month of October 2016, our leaders, our specific route, the people that we will be meeting and coming into contact with and sharing the love of Christ with during these eleven months.
Please be praying for our health and for our safety and our many hours of travel that we will experience during the guts of this upcoming year.
Please share this blog with others, so they may be praying for us, too, and please prayerfully consider giving any amount that you can to help me achieve this financial goal.
Your sister in Christ,
Hannah H.
