Cambodia was one of the toughest months of the Race, but also one of my favorite months so far. I spent more time on my knees before the Lord, crying out in fear, heartbreak and frustration than I have in who knows how long. I saw things that ruined parts of me that I don’t think I’ll ever get back, like trees in killing fields where babies were murdered by the hundreds, and burial plots were women were thrown after being raped and beaten to death.
I recieved the unfathomable news that someone I love very much at home was given a very frightening diagnosis and I immediately wanted to cancel everything and run home, and I couldn’t have possibly felt farther away than I did.
I was confronted by the harsh reality that I still have not dealt with all the memories and issues that were born when my own mother had cancer when I was 11, even though I thought I had finished off that behemoth of a memory long ago.
I spent more hours that month raging and crying and crying out to God than you would believe possible, and even though all of that was burning hole after hole in my heart, I’ve never had a month where I felt more close to the Lord than I did in Cambodia. It was heartbreaking and beautiful and tragic and yet so, so poetic, and I wouldn’t trade those experiences for the world.
So. Without any more talk, here’s my 50 things about Cambodia that made my heart feel truly alive. ?
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1.) that I spent more time eating bananas that month than I have ever spent before in my life. Fried banana chips, grilled bananas (a personal life changing favorite), deep fried bananas, fresh bananas from the market, banana flavored juices, just about any way you could think to eat bananas, we did it and it was marvelous.
2.) riding vintage bikes on a dirt road alongside the mighty Mekong river that we could rent for a dollar a day. Nothing makes you feel more free than seeing a countryside by way of a bicycle.
3.) the sweltering heat, and how it made me truly appreciate the cool, comforting air of fans.
4.) spending every night tucked in between my Sisters, as we all skept side-by-side in a line on the floor of the church we were living in.
5.) befriending the vegetable lady and the way she would always slip me an extra chili or two.
6.) waking at dawn to spend some much needed quiet time with Jesus, sipping on a 50 cent iced coffee from the guest house down the street, that they would put in a plastic bag for me, so I could walk to the River for my quiet time.
7.)cooking all of our meals on tiny Coleman grills that we put on the floor, because that’s just what you do in Cambodia.
8.) the French-Cambodian family who ran the guest house down the street, and how we would eat breakfast at their restaurant almost every day because it was within budget and also because they sort of adopted us into their crazy family. They even invited us to a family wedding once, and loved to share their fruit with us. None of them spoke English, but they were some of the closest friendships we’ve made so far on the Race, which I think is a beautiful thing.
9.) sipping on a dragonfruit mango smoothie that was made on the side of the road- nothing had ever tasted quite so sweet before.
10.) laughing til tears formed in our eyes with our sweet host mom Channa.
11.) riding on the back of Channa’s moto with her all the way to prison for ministry, over rice fields, city streets, and the Mekong, deep into the countryside for about 30 minutes each way. I loved those morning rides so very much.
12.) the unforgettably beautiful faces of the children we taught English to, and the fun we had teaching them Father Abraham and dancing and shouting until our throats were dry.
13.) Going to bed so early (the Race turns you into a regular 9-10PMer) sandwiched between BG and our squad mentor, Fran, laughing every night and doing our best to defend ourselves from the possibility of waking up to cockroaches crawling on our pillows the next morning. (Spoiler alert: it still happened no matter how we tried to prevent it.)
14.) our giant, fuzzy, pink mosquito net that stretched over all 8 of us and looked strangely like cotton candy.
15.) fasting wifi at the house, and using that downtime to read so very many books on the mat we slept on.
16.) our last Sunday morning school, where all our classes combined into one super class, and we had over 100 (yes, we counted) children under our watch and it was the funniest (and also scariest) experience ever.
17.) the way the entire house shook from worship band practice.
18.) the way their flea infested dog, Dao, would come rest his head on your outstretched feet and fall asleep there and you couldn’t help but love him even though he destroyed your Chacos and was basically the biggest nuisance ever. (RIP Chacs.)
19.) the freedom of crying without abandon in front of the Lord.
20.) that one time we hijacked a few rickety fishing boats with some of our new friends and sailed out into the middle of the Mekong river, and immediately had to start bailing water out because we were sinking.
21.) the symphony of sounds we woke to every morning. From the roosters that started crowing around 3AM and continued forth until about 9am, to the sound of pigs being slaughtered at the butchers’ next door every morning at 4am (they scream like demons. No joke. The weirdest thing.), to the strange recordings of Hindu prayers that would blast from loudspeakers all over the village aroube 5:30am onward, sometimes until 1-2 pm.
22.) the time I walked into the kitchen and found a live chicken tied up on the floor… and then 15 minutes later when Beege found him in the bathroom and was quite startled.
23.) The adventuring on our off days- scrambling over temple ruins and touring cultural villages.
24.) Sweet puppy cuddles with a blind puppy called Lucky, who surprised us one morning over coffee because the kids that owned him came over and basically just plopped him in our laps. We weren’t mad. He was too fluffy to handle.
25.) the weight it was carrying the knowledge that one of my second moms back home is very sick, with nothing I could do to help or change that, and having to come to my knees every day because of it.
26.) watching downloaded episodes of the Bachelor with Jess, Beege, Steph and Betsy at night in the back room where all our big packs were, swatting mosquitos and avoiding cockroaches the best we could.
27.) the joy I felt deep inside when my students at the prison could perfectly pronounce the difference between long vowel sounds and short vowel sounds.
28.) crossing the river on a rickety handmade bridge made entirely from bamboo poles tied together, and trying not to get knocked off by the many cars that passed us.
29.) being invited to a traditional Cambodian wedding and dancing in a circle around a table with a bunch of old ladies dresses to the nines.
30.) learning to listen to country music for the very first time in my life. (sorry, everyone back home. I’ve let you all down.)
31.) the day we visited Tuol Sleng prison camps and the killing fields and how a piece of my ignorance, privilege, and a blissful lack of awareness died that day.
32.) the night we spent hunting by flashlight for the other dog, Koka’s, pupipes but could never find them because, plot twist, SHE ATE THEM. Dead serious.
33.) having Fran read The Little Prince to us out loud one afternoon.
34.) going into town by tuk-tuk one night with Beege and Jess, just to get fried chicken for dinner. Because sometimes, you just need to chow down on some fried chicken.
35.) the amazing tuk-tuk driver we met, Gideon and how he literally had a contact to arrange travel for us in EVERY town, capital and province we went to. The man had crazy connections. “You need a driver in Siem Reap?… I know a guy…”
36.) the way all the stairways in the stilted houses were painted bright colors.
37.) the way the air in Cambodia smells like BBQ 100% of the time, no matter where you go in the country. The smell is always there.
38.) the little, old, half-naked couple who would always sit at the top of their steps in their doorway, looking out towards the road, just watching the world go by. Sometimes, just sometimes they would smile to us when we waved at them. Always made my day.
39.) dusk bike rides to the soccer pitch, and sunset chats with Jess over a dinner of grilled bananas.
40.) Watching a super random Jackie Chan movie on the bus to Siem Reap and reliving fond memories of watching his movies in my childhood. Shoutout, Amber Fukuda! i know you remember those days ??
41.) getting to debrief in Siem Reap and discovering that our hostel was in the middle of an actual lily pad field, and it was so crazy magically beautiful.
42.) poolside chats under the stars
43.) sunbathing under palm trees, spending the afternoon laughing in the pool with a few of my sweet squad mates.
44.) getting to baptize Steph and Bets in the pool on our last night at debrief. Towanda. ?
45.) watching the sunrise over Angkor Wat.
46.) eating a fried tarantula with 12 other people from the squad at the Siem Reap night market.
47.) dancing on the roof of a restaurant bar in a fountain under the stars that same night with Alex and Seeks and Rachel. What a surreal moment, but still one of my favorites.
48.) smelling canvases painted with oil paints in a market stall and realizing that’s still one of my favorite smells of all time.
49.) watching my squad wash each others’ feet.
50.) rooftop haircut chats with Toni overlooking lily pad fields and red dirt roads and wondering what on earth this crazy life is that we lead.
Thanks for reading! ?
