Hello dearest ones!
I’m currently sat in the United Airlines terminal at Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson Intl. Airport, contemplating the fact that I chose not to wear closed-toes shoes this morning, because the AC is thundering out of the floor vents and my very exposed toes are beginning to turn into popsicles.
I find myself not even remotely bothered by this, though, because I’ve just spent the last 10 days camping outdoors in Gainesville, GA and let me tell you something: air conditioning is a beautiful gift from the Creator that should never be taken for granted. So is running water for bathrooms, and the freedom to cook your own meals. Cold toes or no cold toes, God is good in all circumstances and situations.
World Race Training Camp is over and done with. The campsites and surrounding grounds have been cleared, tents packed up, buses loaded, big packs checked, security checkpoints passed. The first warm sips of diner-brewed coffee in 10 whole days have been taken, the comforting taste of IHOP chicken and waffles has filled our bellies, and the 50-something goodbyes we had to start making this morning have officially, finally taken place.
My loves, as I sit here, awaiting my flight back to the west coast, I can truly and honestly say that God has completely wrecked my life over the past 10 days.
Massive carnage, shattered debris and fragments of past patterns and sin and towering walls built around the most secret parts of my heart have been torn down and smashed to the ground, leaving nothing but free, open space for the Holy Spirit to flood into.
The past 10 days of my life have been the hardest I’ve ever experienced. There’s something about being completely stripped of all creature comforts, pushed out into the woods to live out of a backpack and cut off from all social media and communication with the outside world, and being forced into very tight, confrontational community with practical strangers that just brings you to a very humbling, low place- and in a lot of circumstances, this could easily cause people to break entirely. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t break down entirely at any point during the week.
The difference about Training Camp, though, is that the intentional breaking down of our false selves is used as a floodgate to launch direct communion with the Holy Spirit into our lives and our hearts. Holy moments, as my squad mentor likes to call them.
I can’t say that I’m exaggerating in the slightest when I say that I’ve never had a harder week-and-a-half than the one I’ve just had, but I can also confidently and safely assure you that it was also the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
Lovers, God is so good.
He loves His sons and His daughters so much.
And we do literally nothing to deserve His love.
Mmm.
So, without running the risk of rambling on and on incessantly about all of the overwhelmingly beautiful things God has done in my life and in my heart while sweating and crying and laughing in the hot Georgia sun over the last week, I’m just going to give you a small sample of the many things I learned this week.
1.) God is always speaking. We just have to tune our ears to hear Him. If you’re at all like me, you’ve definitely lived the majority of your adult life thinking, “God seems to speak a lot to other people- they’re always talking about hearing Him. He doesn’t have much to say to me. Must be their gift or something.” But it is not so! Without going so deeply into theology or subtleties of pneumatology, or whatever your preference is on this, let me just plainly tell you that God spoke directly to me an innumerable amount of times this week. His voice is beautiful.
2.) The lies that we allow ourselves to believe about how God views us are crippling and so, so, so powerfully deceptive. What I learned specifically this week was that I’ve lived my entire life believing that God’s attitude toward me was literally, “Sweet Hannah, I wish you were different.” I didn’t even realize that until I asked Him directly to reveal the lies about Him that I allow myself to believe. I asked Him to speak over those lies, and He whispered back, “You are chosen as you are. Right here, right now, you are enough.” Oh loves, this wrecked my heart.
3.) Our bodies are equipped to do amazing things beyond our own comprehension or understanding of their strength. Just when we think they’re about to break, they keep going.
4.) It’s okay to ask, “Do these people make me feel heard? Do these people make me feel seen?” and if the answer is no, it’s okay to communicate that and be launched forward into something greater: vulnerability with other humans.
5.) Your beauty is not where your value lies. For 10 days straight, I had the frizziest humidity hair, was so drenched in sweat that my clothes were visibly wet 85% of the time, lived completely without a mirror and was operating on a hygiene system that involved a quart-sized measuring cup, a 10 gallon bucket, and an outdoor hose. No makeup. No hairspray. No finishing powder. All around people that I barely knew. Guess what? They loved me anyway. You know what’s even better? They loved me so hard, that their love made me feel beautiful.
6.) Worship is not something to be reserved specifically for Sunday morning church services. Our hearts were made to reflect the joy of the Lord and sing His praises daily. Our hearts long for it. I didn’t realize the capacity my heart had for longing to worship before the Lord until I was in a setting in which worship happened 2-3 times a day. Also: you can literally worship with anything. ANYTHING. Clap your hands, stomp your feet, use Nalgene bottles and buckets and coolers. Sing from the tops of your lungs. Raise your hands. Dance in circles. Shout before the Lord and make a joyful noise because He has victory over the grave.
7.) It’s not acceptable to push people away in an effort to protect yourself from all possible emotions and feelings. Feelings are not for the weak, feelings are for humans, and it is possible to feel them without being controlled by them. Let it out and let it in.
8.) Community changes hearts and lives and God uses community to further His kingdom in unfathomable ways. Iron sharpens iron.
9.) Forgiveness and unforgiveness are the two most powerful entities a person can entertain. One breathes life and the other slowly asphyxiates until life is wiped out. I had to forgive some people this week that I didn’t even realize I was harboring unforgiveness against and it has completely transformed the rhythms of my heart.
10.) Life in excess is unfortunately part of the human condition, but nothing causes more joy than going 6 days straight without any coffee, alcohol or sugar of any kind and then suddenly being handed 8 ounces of watered-down gatorade and a handful of whoppers just because. Thankfulness is an active participation and we should practice it every single day.
To be honest, there’s so many more lessons I learned this week. Some are even more powerful than the ones I listed here, but if I’m completely honest, I haven’t even fully begun to process those yet.
What I do know, is that God is powerful, His church is alive, and He fights for us.
Not only does He fight for us, but He calls us to fight for each other. This week, I became part of an army of 53 fellow racers, 4 squad leaders, a team of coaches and a tender-hearted squad mentor that have become my own personal band of Spartan warriors. We love each other fiercely, and will fight for each other and for the Kingdom until He calls us home.
Training Camp, you cradled me, and then broke me, and then flattened me out. But the Holy Spirit resurrected me, raised me up, and launched me forward on a journey that involves living every single day from now until kingdom come on mission for the spread of the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
“Since your love got ahold of me, I’m a new creation. I’m forever changed.”
Thanks for reading, lovers.
Let’s continue to fight and pray for each other every day.
<3
