“When God closes a door, He opens another…”
We always hear about God “opening” and “closing” doors, but we don’t ever hear much about God cracking a door. It’s not opened enough for you to step through, but it’s opened just enough that you are able to peak in and see what’s on the other side. Until the door actually opens, though, you’re left standing there, in the hallway… waiting. That’s where I have found myself at this very moment, standing before a cracked door asking God, “Are you going to open it?” In the waiting, in the hallway, what better way to spend this time than to stop focusing on what is behind the door, and rather focus on WHO is standing at it? It’d be so easy to stand there impatiently, ringing the doorbell, knocking constantly and yelling at God to just open the thing up already, but maybe He wants us to just stop trying to look around the corner and simply look at Him, spend time with Him, talk to Him, let Him talk to us, and just spend time with Him knowing that He will open the door and let us walk through when He sees fit.
Now you should all now probably know that I’ve been given the chance to go on this journey, The World Race, in January. In order for that to happen, however, the funds have to be provided. Well, while I have had people give very generously and I cannot express my appreciation to them enough, I still have deadlines to meet and in black and white it’s not exactly looking promising. My first deadline is this Friday, September 25th, and the amount is $3900, of which I’ve got about $1000. While this deadline isn’t exactly set in stone considering they’re good people that are willing to work with me because they actually WANT me to go, nevertheless, in order to secure my spot I have to have this amount to go to training camp on October 15th. Now that would usually, and probably should, be freaking me out a little bit. I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t been a cause for concern plenty of days and nights, but I have seriously been at such a peace in comparison to what I should be that it really does surpass my understanding. My own understanding looks at this whole thing and says “there’s no way”…. Sure, if it doesn’t happen in January I can still go on a later trip… That would make “sense” and require much less faith. So with that option in the back of mind, I’m not stressing over it NEVER happening, but I am leaving the timing up to God, not MY understanding. I went into this thing telling Him that if He wanted me to go in January that He would open the door and provide the provision, and I do, and will continue to, stand on the fact that HE IS able to do it! I’ve been praying that He would also protect me from getting out of His timing and rushing something, doing the right thing at the wrong time, so that if this didn’t happen right now that I could rest in knowing it wasn’t HIS will and that I will not be discouraged or disappointed either way. Now don’t read this thinking that I’ve given up, because that’s the farthest from the truth, I’m just simply letting God have it, He’s got the reins and I’m perfectly okay with that.
It’s funny to me how much God is doing in me through The World Race, and I’m not even on it yet! This whole process has shown me how much faith I really am capable of having, faith I didn’t fully comprehend that I had until I was put in a position to need it more than I ever had. I’m currently selling all of my furniture and moving out of a place that has become to feel like home, in order to pursue something that isn’t even in reaching distance at the moment, and it’s the most liberating feeling that I’ve ever had, to be at this place where I’m willing to let go of anything I’ve had too tight of a grip on. I was telling someone last night how I had put my couches up for sale yesterday morning and when I went home for lunch, as I began looking at them and looking at my apartment, I started feeling depressed over the fact that I wasn’t going to have them anymore. Then I started thinking “why?!?! Why do I care this much and feel this strongly over these things, they’re just stuff!” It really is, it’s just stuff, yet we become so attached to “stuff” that we don’t even realize it. A small group I’m part of has been focusing on “Identity” and knowing who we really are in Christ. Monday we were talking about how easy it is to find our identity in everything else, in our jobs, in people, in material stuff, and I began thinking about that yesterday as I sat there like a spoiled child staring at my nicely decorated home that I was proud of, and I began to feel disgusted over it. I realized that I was being just that, proud. I was proud of what I had, proud of the life I’ve built for myself, so much so that part of me just didn’t want to part ways with it. Then I started thanking God that He is so good. He’s that good and cares that much to expose the things in me that aren’t good so that I can let go of them and give them to Him. He’s that good to remind that I’m not perfect and I never will be, but that if I’d only be willing to let Him show me the areas that need correction, that He will do it with perfect grace and mercy.
As I’m writing this now I’m even consumed with the thought of, wow… What if we were as proud of God as we are of our “stuff”, over our money, over this, over that, whatever it may be? What if we were as reluctant to move away from God as I have been to move out of my house? I can’t sit here and act like this is just so easy because I’m such a good, Godly person, that I’d never let anything get in between me and God, that’s not true. What is true is that I WANT that to be true, I want to be so secure in my standing with Christ that sacrifice is easy, because I have the full revelation that nothing that I lose can compare to the One who provided it, and who will continue to provide. While I’m no where close to where I want to be, I know that God is using this experience, even now, to do a great work in me. To be at a place where I’m willing to sacrifice something, to step out of my comfort zone for His will’s sake, to let Him have full control of the situation and to trust Him every step of the way, this is new territory to me and I can only give Him the glory for it, because He is the one leading me to righteousness that is only found IN Him. So I will continue to wait at the door, with my head and my spirit lifted high, anticipating the moment that I finally get to walk through it, and loving the very One that is standing before it.
32 “Now then, my children, listen to me; blessed are those who keep my ways.33 Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not disregard it. 34 Blessed are those who listen to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. 35 For those who find me find life and receive favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 8
