The term “short hair don’t care” doesn’t quite seen to encompass much in regards to the decision of chopping a large chunk of my hair off and throwing it in the garbage. The last time I cut my hair short was post big decision making. I moved to Mexico a month after my luscious locks of hair were disposed of. And it seems as though that idea hasn’t changed much in my mind.
There was honestly only one reason I kept my hair long. And it was the idea that maybe this year would be the year I would get married. Maybe this year I would fall in love, and get to wear a beautiful gown. Maybe this was the year that I would need all that hair for a big ole up-do on my wedding day. But that’s the problem. SO MANY MAYBES! Maybes are life suckers. They take away from the day to day life. Always dreaming of the maybe; all my thoughts focused on the future. What about the “I all ready am?” My “all ready am” is single. And I kinda rock at it. It has just taken a really long time to accept that.
Now you’re probably thinking, “that’s great, but you said life change came with that hair cut…well?”
Well my life has changed. In a very short amount of time. Like literally in 24 hours. Last Saturday the Lord changed the course of my life. It has been a hard, exciting, wonderful, beautiful, sad, scary change. It has been the hardest to even just tell people about it. So here it is:
I, HANNAH MARIE HAND, AM GOING ON THE WORLD RACE. IN JULY. Now some of you may know what that is and some of you probably not. But don’t worry, I will explain and also post the video that the ministry created to explain. The World Race is an 11 month missions trip in which you travel to 11 different countries sharing the love of Jesus. Each month looks different. Teams have done construction, taught English, worked in orphanages, worked with the elderly, street witnessed, built fences. Each location has different needs and our job is to be the hands and feet of Jesus and meet those needs. Not of our doing, but of the Lords.
“The World Race is a stretching journey into 11 countries in 11 months to serve “the least of these” while amongst real and raw community. This unique mission trip is a challenging adventure for young adults to abandon worldly possessions and a traditional lifestyle in exchange for an understanding that it’s not about you; it’s about the Kingdom.” Check out this website for the video: http://www.worldrace.org
11 months. 11 countries. Boy howdy. Let me tell you about the why:
I have a few friends who are currently on this mission. I got to walk through the “before I leave” journey with one of them. We would have coffee, talk about how fundraising was going, how her heart was, how I could be praying for her, etc. I was always so super proud of her for stepping out and trusting the Lord to take her on an adventure of a lifetime. But I didn’t really ever think, “ya!! that’s for me!!” Until Jesus…..
The first time I ever watched the video about the Race my heart soared. Something that I hadn’t felt for awhile. Now don’t get me wrong! I love my life! The way the Lord has orchestrated so so so so so many blessings into it. But in regards to having a next step for my life that I could plan for, it had been such a long time. You see, the Lord has been placing jobs in my lap ever since I quit school. I didn’t really have a direction of what I wanted to do or who I even wanted to be. And the Lord has been so faithful to provide my every need.
I wasn’t really sure what I was supposed to do with all the excitement I felt toward the Race. I’m at a place in life where I am involved and invested in many lives and walking away from responsibility and friendships that are rooted so deep in my heart just didn’t make sense. So I prayed. ALOT. I kept laying it at the feet of Jesus. As I continued to pray I felt the Lord was calling me deeper. So I began looking at routes and reading blogs and researching. I kept telling the Lord, “Ok, I can do this. This could be my jam. I could totally leave next January. Ya. Let’s do it.” Then I started looking at routes with the intention of actually choosing one. It was a scary thought. As I was looking it was important for Thailand, Haiti, and India to all be part of my Race. But I couldn’t find that in January…..oh man. I chose one for next year anyway. I mean I wanted to leave in January because it made the most sense. Until Jesus.
I was feeling so unsettled about the route that I had chosen. (Insert confused face here.) I began praying, “Lord show me the way.” And boy did He, I found a route that included the three countries the Lord put on my heart. AND. IT. LEAVES. IN. JULY. Deep breathes, Nan. Oh dear sweet Jesus. What?!?! He couldn’t be calling me to leave so soon. Not when I had SO many responsibilities that would be effected by my absence. Now I know that I am so super replaceable, but it still meant that all the ducks had to be put in a row.
I am a nanny for a family that has become more than an employer-employee relationship. I wouldn’t just be leaving a job, I would be leaving six pieces of my heart behind. And after all my “new family” has been through, it kills me knowing that my absence creates on more thing that they have to worry about.
I am a small group leader for Morning Stars high school ministry. I have many girls that I have come to love and cherish. They have opened up to me and allowed me to point them to Jesus in their darkest moments. How could I leave them knowing that they would be heart broken, confused, and angry? Knowing that for many of them this would like their forth or fifth new leader?
I have finally planted roots. Deep deep roots. The community I have found here in Salem has been life changing. My friends, mentors, leaders…all the people that have invested in me and touched my soul. How could I leave them? How could I give up what has become home to me?
My family. What about them? With so many exciting things happening this year and specifically in July, how could the Lord ask me to leave after we had such a hard year last year?
How do I follow Jesus into the unknown? By trusting. By having faith that for every hole I leave, He has plans to fill them with even greater things. That He didn’t just call me to the Race forgetting all these things. He called me to the Race knowing about all my little duckies. And He is the best mama duck ever. He is going to lead them exactly where He wants them. Every single little chick. It is an opportunity for me to literally trust with my whole heart. My heart is for people. And I have so many people that I love.I get to trust God with EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.
And while this trip is costly financially, the total need reaching over $16,000, that is the last worry on my list. Money comes and money goes, but people are created in God’s imagine. God doesn’t love money, He loves people. And I am trusting that as people press into Jesus and trust Him to provide for all their needs as well, my financial needs, your financial needs, all the needs. They will be met. Because Jesus doesn’t call us to do things that He doesn’t intend on completing. Down to the tiniest of details.
I wasn’t planning on going on the World Race until Jesus.
So that’s why I cut my hair. Because I’m not getting married this year. I’m following Jesus to the ends of this earth.
