Below is a poem I worked on about a week ago. I’ve been processing some things about the Lord that my mind and my heart had to wrap themselves around again, and even though it was a difficult week the process was worth how I’ve started to come out on the other side.
My heart turned right
Right?
I made that choice
I turned that way.
But I circle ’round
Again
Again
Again
The sun hasn’t set
not on this.
I ask for the day to leave.
For the finish line to break,
Break me.
It doesn’t seem
like a place to be broken
This whirlwind
This life,
That I remind myself is true.
How do I decide?
That the vulnerable God
Is the turn to the right.
But then again,
This time, this life,
The only one I have
Has to break.
It has to.
The option is stay
Put up in a box
or break.
Break out of line
Out of tribe
Out.
Break out
Fall down
Fall
Stumble upward
Question the known
Known not by me
but known.
Seek out the truth
Or mystery
Or both
But never really know.
Living
Broken
By a personal God
Relational
Vulnerable
Holy
God
Living
In a constant state of Mystery.
Christianity
Never truly knowing anything
But God.
But yet, poetic mystery.
Contradiction
On my level makes no sense.
But beauty
It makes beauty.
Engulfing both sides
Encompassed into one.
Having faith
That both exist.
That all three exist.
Its okay,
To circle ’round
Again and again
To be broken
Broken again and again.
In this whirlwind
The one I have,
That I don’t understand.
But faith,
right?
Not knowing or understanding
But still walking out
under the vulnerable cloud
of poetic mystery.
Or maybe
Side by side
In the fog
waving my arms
In search of a grasp,
Wanting to know.
But lowering my arms,
Myself
When I’m told the fog
Is what I’m meant to grasp.
What I never will.
But still.
Be still.
Still,
I’m here
In it,
Right?
Do I need to grab frantically
At something that can
Never
Truly
Be grasped?
In the hidden,
Is there something precious?
Worth finding?
I know there is.
I’ve been told there is.
I’ve experienced that there is.
Right?
Or do I wait on the ground
Head in hands
For that thing,
That precious thing
To come to me.
Both.
Both?
How can I wait
And seek the same?
Am I capable,
Even equipped
To hold my own contradiction?
Is that,
That contradiction
Is that where it happens?
Brokenness?
The break
In my life
My whirlwind
That pulls me closer
To something
Someone,
That I can
Never
Fully
Know.
But I do.
He wants me to.
He offers
The parts my mind can hold
And turn over
And over.
He gives those.
I know that.
Like now,
Sit
Ponder
Listen.
The sun
It will never set,
Not on this.
I hope you enjoyed this. Its part of my heart, and I want to open these parts of myself to my supporters.
