When you get to month nine… writing blogs becomes increasingly difficult. Honestly, I’m tired and at the end of the day the last thing I want to do is write. But I know that God speaks to me when I write. I know that He speaks through me when I write. So often we deprive ourselves of the things God intends for blessing…
So here I am, writing a blog.
My thoughts have been in Nepal lately. This sounds strange, I know. Allow me to explain.
Of all the months… of all the times in my life that I have felt close to God….. Nepal tops them all.
When I think of Nepal I remember the time when my spirit was most alive. I can’t say if it was the mountains, the crisp air, the beautiful scenery that could be taken in from our rooftop, or maybe is was just a season that God was using to show me how close He can get, how close He desires my heart to be to His.
On that rooftop I found peace like I had never found before.
I found joy like I had never found before.
I found more meaning in the Word than ever before.
I felt God more than ever before.
He was so real… I learned what they mean when they say that He’s “closer than my skin.”
The next month we went to Rwanda. And it was gone. In comparison to the month before, my spirit felt dead. As I grieved the loss of that season… I was angry. But I bottled it because I knew I shouldn’t be angry..
I kept it in, avoiding the “crash and burn,” until God intervened. It took a literal crash to send me into a soul shocking, honest weeping session. I was trying to help our amazing hosts clear the table and as I descended the back stairs into the pouring rain, I lost my footing and down I went. As I picked myself up, brushing off my shoulders I attemped to regain me dignity… I headed straight into my bedroom saying, “I’m fine, I’m fine… just give me a minute.” I shut the door and I crashed. I sat on the bed sobbing as the grief and the anger washed over me like the pouring rain.
I sobbed as I screamed at God in my head. I accused Him of abandoning me. I told Him it wasn’t worth it to follow Him anymore…. that this feeling of loss was too great to seek His presence again. I told Him that I was done. I was just going to go home and live my own life.
As I look back… I believe God cried right along with me that night. He knew my heartache. He knew I felt betrayed… but He needed to teach me. He needed me to see…
The days following that night were full of sorrow. But the one thing that got me through.. the one thing.. is that I believe that His promises are true. I believe that more today than I ever have before. I can’t tell you how I know it. I can’t tell you how you can come to know it… but I can tell you that when He says…“I will never leave you nor forsake you…” (Deuteronomy 31:6) He means it. And when He says, “I will make with them an everlasting covenant, that I will never turn away from doing good to them.” (Jeremiah 32:40) He means it.
Since that night in Rwanda, I have been on a roller coaster of ups and downs. Honestly, I’ve been pretty “dry,” to use the Christianese term. But His presence has never left me. He has never abandoned me. He taught me my desperate need for Him.
Funny, during that amazing month in Nepal, I wrote a song that speaks directly into what I would soon unknowingly be walking into…
“And you don’t abandon. You don’t leave me here to walk on my own. You stand among the wreckage and you give me grace to rise again.”
God showed me another purpose for this season yesterday. All day long I kept hearing Him say “Faith.” He assured me that in this time my faith, more precious than gold, is being refined. It is being strengthened and built upon because He has plans for me that require it to to be strong.
And though there are days that I feel like He's a thousand miles away…
He’ll never leave you to walk on your own.
He is always faithful… always.
In September… just a month after I return to the States… I will be moving to Gainesville, GA to attend something called The Center for Global Action. I will be living in community with other alumni racers, working as an apprentice in a department of Adventures in Missions, and attending discipleship classes in the evenings. Check out the video below or the website by clicking on the link above.
And I need your help.
Please Support me as I attend The Center for Global Action
By September 1st I need to have raised $600.
For each month following I will need $300 to continue.
That's a total of $3,600 for the year.
Please support me as I continue my Kingdom Journey. Just click… here.
