Last week I began a program called “The Center for Global Action” through Adventures in Missions. To kick off the apprenticeship and discipleship program we were sent into the woods. After the previous 6-weeks full of doing nothing (“recovering” from the World Race), a week-long hiking and camping trip sounded just right. And though the week wasn’t easy, it truly was just what I needed.
The first two days were spent hiking 10+ miles with my newly formed team. We arrived at our campsite and spent the evening circled around the fire recounting stories from the grueling journey we had just taken.
After much laughter and a bowl full of quinoa, we all gathered under our tarp for the night. When we woke up we were told all the next 24-hours would entail.
“A day with Jesus,” they said. Twenty-four hours at a campsite. Completely alone.
My heart jumped. I knew it was just what I needed and I knew it was just what I was afraid of…
Since returning home from the Race, life hasn’t been quite what I’d hoped. Honestly, I came home and spiraled down into a big ‘ol crash of the soul. I felt like I’d lost track of all that God had done in me. I felt a bit depressed. I couldn’t remember who I was.. and I dove right back into my own personal brand of escape: Television. One TV show after another, diving into the story, the drama, the mystery. But at the end of the day, as sleep evaded me night after night, I felt the emptiness of it all. Each night I found myself confessing to God: “I feel so lost. What happened to me?”
So.. as I began my “Day with Jesus,” I was still feeling a little lost. And to compound it all I felt shame over the 6-weeks that I had wasted and fear that I’d lost “it” (What “it” was, I couldn’t say).
After the first few hours full of frustration, the Lord gently began to speak to me. He showed me that I had come home with a big, fat load of pride in my heart. I had stolen credit for all the growth HE had brought about. He showed me that I had once again forgotten what it means to need Him.
And sitting there on a fallen tree, I broke.
And just as He always does when I fall before Him in this state, He led me through the gospel. He reminded me who He is and all that He had done for me. It’s a reminder we all need on a regular basis. When life gets busy and when it’s quiet, when things are going well and when we trip over our own feet.
And that’s where I am. Turning back to Him, resting my eyes on the cross. He is daily making all of us new. He refreshes us, He satisfies us. Without Him, we are nothing.
Abba… thank you.
Also posted on http://hannahcoulter.wordpress.com
I'm apart of something called The Center for Global Action. I am living in community with other alumni racers, working as a part of the worship team at Adventures in Missions and attending discipleship classes in the evenings. (Check out the website by clicking on the link above.)
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