Selah: A word used primarily in the psalms; an instruction to pause and reflect.
This week all of K-Squad gathered for our first debrief. Debrief was a time to rest, reflect on the past two months, and process the things God has been doing.
To say God rocked me this week would be like saying I sweat this week. It's undoubtable, undeniable, and pretty messy.
I had the privilege to lead worship alongside my squad mate, Austin. This experience challenged and encouraged me. I learned further to sing with boldness. I learned humility. I learned my limits and was blessed to have a co-leader to take over when I needed some time to pray some things out.
My squad mates spoke Truth to me when doubt was creeping in. God reaffirmed to me that my music is not just an ability He has given me, but a gift that comes from Him alone. He showed me that He made me a worshipper and the importance of that gift. He taught me what it looks like. He is calling greatness out of me.
And He wasn't done there.
From day one I felt God begin to stir things up in me. He revealed how much healing I have yet to do, and just when I thought it was hopeless, He spoke through the people around me to encourage me to keep pressing in. Again and again, He spoke these words to me: "You still have a long way to go, but you are much much further along than you think."
Healing is a funny thing. We all know that wounds get more uncomfortable before they truly begin to heal. That's just part of the process. I feel like that's where I'm at right now. God is pulling things up in me… and it's so uncomfortable. It's not fun in the slightest.
None of this is new. It can be a bit frustrating when the same struggles arise again and again. When the lies you've been hearing for years continue to pop up. When all of the things you've been working so hard to get past continue to cause you pain. It seems that all we can do is just crawl into a hole and wallow in our pain.
But there is hope. It's a hope that has walked me through some of the darkest moments of my life and fuels me even today.
What's this hope you speak of? His name is Jesus.
Even through the pain and discomfort, He is my refuge. He is my strength. He is my hope. I know that He is doing a good work in me and He WILL bring it to completion.
As we leave debrief, headed to where we will be spending the month, we leave broken, yes, but we leave with hope in our Savior and faith that, brokeness aside, God will use us to further His Kingdom.
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As I was writing this blog, God put this song on my heart. Enjoy it and the Truth it holds.
Man of sorrows, what a name
For the son of God who came.
Ruined sinners to reclaim,
Halleljuah, what a Savior.
Bearing shame and scoffing rude,
in my place condemned he stood
He sealed my pardon with his blood
Hallelujah, what a Savior.
Guilty, violent, helpless me
Spotless Lamb of God was He
Full atonement, can it be?
Hallelujah, what a Savior.
Lifted up was He to die
It is finished was His cry
Now in Heaven exalted high
Hallelujah what a Savior.
When we comes our Glorious King
All His ransomed, home to bring
Then anew this song we'll sing
Hallelujah, what a Savior
