I came into this whole blogging thing expecting it to be a struggle. I've never been a blogger… never thought I'd be blogger. In the past I've tried.. and failed. But here I am.. with a blog. A blog that I am held accountable for. Not just because Adventures in Missions tells me I need to post on this… but also because I have people out there supporting me in this journey who want to hear what's going on in my life. I've been trying so hard to post on a weekly basis, but really I'm not doing too hot.
I think I've realized why,
I care too much about what you think of me. I care too much about sounding like the kind of person who should be doing this kind of thing. When really… I don't feel like the type.
Sure, I love Jesus.. and I know that I've been lead to do this.
But me?
I'm an introvert. And frankly.. when I think about ministry of any kind there's no specific area that sticks out to me as being "my forte." I suck at speaking to people. I often fail to vocalize my thoughts in an understandable way. And when I do… you usually can't hear me because I'm so soft spoken.
Don't get me wrong… I'm not railing on myself. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm just being honest…
I don't know who I am.
When I say that… I mean, I know God has a plan for my life. I know he created me for a purpose… He's given me a name that encompasses all that I am… I just don't know what that is… yet.
I went to bible school in search of it. I thought for sure God was going to throw it all in my face. With a little education YOU CAN FIND YOURSELF… but I realize now that I went in with a picture of what I was supposed to learn.. what I was supposed to look like. And I tried to find who I'm supposed to be by imitating others and ultimately, I failed miserably. I left school even more confused.
And I do not want to repeat the process on the world race.
So this is me… starting this blogging thing over by stating this:
I am so not the missionary type.
And I'm glad.
By trying to be "the missionary type".. I was abandoning being me. And if I'm not being ME… how can God use me? And how can a develop into the person God wants me to be.
And this goes so much deeper than just The World Race. This is about my life.
So here we go… I'm shedding the costume. I'm not going to strive to impress you with my knowledge of the bible or my level of spirituality. I'm just going to be real. I'm going to be me.. I'm going to talk like me… act like me… blog like ME.
And let's see what happens…
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I've started reading this blog. And God has been teaching me so much through it… through an imperfect child of God who is simply being herself. http://www.theveryworstmissionary.com Seriously… go read it.
