You know those days when you wake up in a funk? I mean… from the moment you climb out of bed you just feel heavy. And although you try to pull yourself out, it seems like a thick fog is consuming you. Today was one of those days.
On top of the heaviness that filled me as soon as I opened my eyes, I woke up half an hour later than usual. This meant that my quiet time was rushed and way too short. That in itself can start the day off on the wrong foot and I felt as though I needed extra time to begin with. In an attempt to extend my quiet time in any way I could, I spent the ride to ministry listening to worship music on my iPod. I completely submerged myself in the lyrics. We’ve been learning a lot about how much our perspective and attitude can change the atmosphere and I was fighting to do so. I prayed over the position of my heart and my attitude. I rebuked any negative spirits that may have been holding me down. I asked God for joy. Even through the fog of heaviness, I wanted to shine whatever light I could muster. But every time I opened my eyes and looked around me the heaviness would hit again. I was stuck.
We spent the day cleaning a chapel and then cleaning out a barn. The manual labor served as an outlet and as I worked the fog slowly began to lift. Finally, I felt like I could breath again.
When we returned to the YWAM base all I wanted to do was take a nap. After a Bible study both teams did together I laid in bed, trying to quiet my mind enough to sleep. Eventually I was able to sleep, but when I woke up for dinner I once again felt heavy. This time more so than before. After dinner I sat and began to pray. Erin (my team leader) and Alicia (the other team leader) came up the stairs. I guess they could read the pain on my face because they instantly surrounded me to talk. They encouraged me and prayed over me. Alicia then pushed me to get up and take a shower. I took a nice, refreshing shower and then went down to join everyone in the dining area. This is when my (now, self-titled) “Community Therapy” began.
After awhile I began talking with two girls from the other team. We talked about life. We talked about God. We were real. We were transparent. I stopped trying to solve my own problem. I stopped trying to pull myself out of the heaviness and I just let my walls down in conversation. It was during this time that God revealed to me some things within myself that were weighing me down. He revealed unforgiveness in my heart and He showed me that I still have quite a bit of healing left to do.
I’m beginning to realize that every time I have this kind of day God reveals something deep within my heart. Something that I either hadn’t realized before or that I had simply been ignoring (by the way, that never works). God has to get me down to a low place, a position of brokenness, before He can show me what He wants me to see. It is in this place of brokenness that God does the greatest work in me. We have to allow Him to bring us to this place, no matter how painful it may be. But His promises are true. Brokenness is beautiful and He will comfort us in that place. God blessed me with a relaxing evening with all the girls. Emily and I baked brownies and stargazed. As I looked at the stars and thought back through my day, I couldn’t help but feel blessed… even in the brokenness, God is so good to me.
As usual, God’s timing is immaculate. Today, in that Bible study I mentioned above, we talked about suffering. And although I was incredibly distracted, some of it still sunk in and really… it’s timing couldn’t have been better.
We talked about why we suffer. In times of hardship… or the days when we feel heavy, we have two options. We can either wallow in our suffering, whining to God and questioning how He could allow it to happen to us OR we can rejoice in our suffering because it:
-Teaches us to be like Christ
“Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and by his wounds we are healed” (Isaiah 53) Christ suffered enormously on our behalf.
-Helps us grow closer to God.
“As a deer pants for flowing steams, so pants my soul for you, Oh God.” (Psalm 42:1) It times of struggle, whether we realize it or not, we are thirsting for God. He alone can satisfy.
-Tests and matures our faith
“…more than that we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” (Romans 5:3-5)
Next time you have a rough day, I would encourage you to seek out what God would have you take from it. And as difficult as it may be, rejoice in that suffering, because He is doing a good work in you. “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 1:6) Let him work in you and trust that God is faithful. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
God is good, all the time.
Amen.
