A car ride, an open window and a familiar playlist. That’s all it takes. We were headed to Siem Reap, Cambodia to see one of the seven wonders of the world: Angkor Wat. There I was, riding in a van down a bumpy, dirt road with my hand out the window when it hit me: I really miss home.
I was reminded of driving in my car with the windows down, blasting music. And out of nowhere, the homesickness washed over me like a sickness. Up to this point, I’d had little issue with being away. Sure, I missed my family, my friends, my dog… but really the world race was just getting started. It was still new. It was still exciting. But four months in, the magnitude of this journey… and the fact that 11 months really is a long time finally settled in. And the thought occurred in my head for the very first time: I want to go home.
As the days went on, my homesickness increased. I knew I’d never actually go home… but seven more months was heavy on my heart. I’m tired… Christmas is in a week. And on top of it all… I got food poisoning. My team spent the day at Angkor Wat and as I laid in yet another unfamiliar hotel room, all I wanted was to be home in my own bed with my dog curled up next to me. I returned to our village that evening nauseous, exhausted, and very heavy hearted.
The next morning as I spent time in my tent recuperating, I listened to a sermon podcast. Though the sermon was on Hebrews 12, the pastor elluded to chapter 11 and as I paused the podcast to read through chapter 11, three verses drew me in. As I read them… I wasn’t quite sure what, but I knew God wanted to teach me through them. So I read them slowly… and these are the notes I wrote as I processed through them.
Hebrews 11:8-10
“By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance.” As Abraham was called to go, I was called to go. Here I am four months into that calling. As Abraham went with faith that he was receive his inheritance, I definitely came with faith that God was going to a lot of work in and through me. I have followed through. I’m here. And God is doing a lot. “And he went out, not knowing where he was going.” I have a list of countries, but really I have no clue what lies ahead of me. In the beginning this was exciting, but now I’m homesick for everything familiar. The unknown is becoming more difficult to deal with. I want what I know. I want what is comfortable. “…he went to live in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, living in tents…” Obviously I relate to this! Abraham was living in the promised land. The land was to be his and it was completely foreign to him. His home was as a foreign land. This year my home is a foreign land. The Lord has placed me here… I am in my metaphorical “promised land.” This is where I’m supposed to be, but it’s foreign. It’s not where I’m most comfortable. “…with Isaac and Jacob, heirs with him of the same promise.” Though Abraham was an alien in the promised land, he had family there with him. God has also given me family to walk alongside me in this journey. To lean on. To share my struggles. To be encouraged and comforted. Adjusting to the recent team changes has been an interesting process, but I am surround by amazing people who legitimately care about me. They are “heirs with me of the same promise.” They are in the same place. They are on the same journey. “For he was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God.” God has gone before me. He knows what lies ahead for me in the next seven months. Just as He knew the promise would be revealed in the land he had given Abraham. God has already laid the foundations of this race… so even though the future is unknown, just as Abraham had faith in God to fulfill His promise, I too can have faith.
Faith. That’s all it takes. God promised Abraham a great land flowing with milk and honey. I gave this year to Him in faith that He do great things in and through me. Seven months is a long time and He’s done a lot already. It would be easy to just throw in the towel but… what if Abraham said, “Alright God, I’m in this land you’ve given me but it’s taking way too long for you to fulfill your promise. I’m just going to go back to what I know. I know you have great things planned for me but it’s taking up too much of my time and energy just sitting here waiting for them.”
The past four months have been really tough. They’ve also been the best four months of my life. Yeah, I’m tired… and I miss home, but I need to have patience and faith to look forward to “the city” that God has for me. He is the designer and builder of this earth, my life, and my race. He still has so much for me. I can’t go home now.
And that’s all it takes.
