As I opened my word processor to start a new blog post, my eyes found a document I had completely forgotten. A blog written weeks ago describing how I was feeling at that moment. Describing the place the Lord had me and how amazing it was. As I read this un-posted blog about my longing for Him, I was left with a longing for that feeling to return. Being in a difficult season in never fun, but seasons come and go and the Lord is showing me He still has so much more for me. Really, this season is an answer to this prayer. Though the process of getting to that ‘more’ is long and arduous, this un-posted blog is a reminder of where I’ve been and where I am going. It refreshes my soul, gives me hope, and strengthens my faith to continue on this journey, even when I can’t see what He’s doing. Maybe it was meant to be overlooked until the point in time when I needed to read these words most.
So here it goes, “A Holy Dissatisfaction”
In the past few weeks I’ve noticed a shift in my mindset. At first, it wasn’t incredibly apparent, but as time has gone on it has grown to the point of being absolutely undeniable.
I am totally dissatisfied.
Seriously, I mean it. Nothing satisfies me anymore. Nothing.
You may be thinking.. “Woah. Hannah’s gone off the deep end. It’s time for an intervention, at the least some feedback.”
Trust me. That was my first thought too.
But I’ve realized… this is the economy of the Kingdom. God has stirred such a hunger in me. A hunger that simply cannot be satisfied until the day I see Him face to face. Until that day all of His promises are fulfilled and I stand before Him. Until I’m given my place among all the saints who sing, “Holy, holy, holy…” for eternity. That’s where I long to be. I want Him more than anything.
And I see how BIG He is… that no matter how much of Him get… there’s always more.
I’ve heard it said many times that “you can have as much of God as you like..” Well, I’m taking Him up on that offer.
It’s an unquenchable thirst.
An unstoppable wildfire.
A ravaging, unending hunger.
There’s more.
There’s so much more.
At first the realization of my deep dissatisfaction was discouraging. Really, what can I do? It’s never ending. But that’s the holy frustration Paul talks about in Romans 8. And I’ve come to the decision that there’s no place I’d rather be. The hunger pains only cause me to run harder after Him. They drive me. They keep me moving. They remind me where my eyes should be fixed.
You can have all this world, just give me Jesus.
