I’m terrified to go home.
At first I thought it was because I was scared of what my friends and family were going to think of the new me-were they going to accept me? Were they going to think I was crazy for being sold out for Jesus? Would the new me be as “good” as the old me? And then I remembered everything I have learned and that none of those things mattered. It didn’t matter if they accepted me or not because this is who I am and I am never going back to my old life of changing myself and performing a certain way in order for people to like me. I am enough just as I am.
So, after realizing this, I figured this fear of going home would be gone and I’d be good to go. I was wrong. My fear was definitely still there and it was growing deeper and bigger and more daunting as the days passed.
I was telling my best friend, Hillary, about this over Skype and after I was done explaining she looked at me quizzically and asked gently, “Han, what would be the ideal situation to go home to?” I sat there for a while thinking and then finally answered, “Still being able to hear and feel Jesus like I do here.” And that’s when it hit me-I wasn’t scared of what I was going home to, I was scared of Who I might lose once I did go home.
I am so scared that I won’t be able to hear Jesus whisper sweet everythings in my ear every day. That I won’t be able to feel his hand grab onto mine or feel his presence consume a room unless I’m surrounded by people who love Him like I do or understand Him the way I do. I’m terrified that Jesus won’t follow me back to Lafayette, Indiana.
I was putting Him in a box. I was belittling His power. I doubted my Father who had blown me away time and time again with his love and power and steadfastness yet I still didn’t have faith in him. And I needed to lock it up.
- I’m done stressing about my future. God’s got my future in the palm of His hand and it’s time to sit back and enjoy the ride.
-Matthew 6:34: Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own.
-Psalm 37:4: Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
B. God created the whole universe, even little Lafayette, Indiana, so I’m pretty positive He’s there now, hanging out with the locals and chattin it up with my friends and family.
-Psalm 48:10: Like your name, O God, your praise reaches to the ends of the earth;
your right hand is filled with righteousness.
-Jeremiah 23:23-24: “Am I only a God nearby”, declares the Lord, “and not a God far away?”…
”Do not I fill heaven and earth?” declares the Lord.
C. I have learned more about God’s character and his insane love in these past 5 months than I have
in my entire life and why the heck would I not want to share that with my friends and family back
home?! He fills me up so I can pour it out and it’s time to make it rain!
-2 Corinthians 1:3-4: Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of
compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort
those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FC7mse6Of8c
