Where to begin?!?! With a New Year, a new team and a completely new ministry; I’m not even sure where to start!!!!
New Years in Siem Reap, Cambodia…. oh my lanta!!! Being away from home during the holiday season is kind of tough. Thanksgiving was tough, Christmas was really tough, and then I find myself on New Years Eve day dreading the midnight hour. It won’t be the same as home. I won’t be with my usual friends, my family is not here, I’m feeling weird about getting wasted…blah blah blah, woe is me… whatever. At about that exact moment, right in the middle of those thoughts, some of my favorite squad mates invited me out dancing. Dancing?! Alright, y’all know me… I’m in!!!! So we proceed to make it down to pub street to celebrate the New Year. We round the corner and……….
Holy smokes…. This is going to be epic…. Cambodians ring in the New Year with a bang!!!! They shake up 40 cent beer and spray it constantly into the crowd, and they take gallon bottles full of baby powder and smack them on each other. (This creates quite the interesting paste!) They play music so loud it shakes your soul… but seriously, if you have a pacemaker, don’t go.
I took point and mauled a path through the crowds to a popular dance bar. My mates and I, being the racers on a budget that we are, brought our own cheap beer to drink (60 cents), instead of paying the EXPENSIVE $2 a beer at the bar. We find our spot, I crack open my beer and the night begins……. I danced my little heart out. Throughout the night I found myself in an interesting place. I didn’t desire to get drunk, I was having too much fun!!! WHAT?! I’m confused… Seriously guys, my heart is truly changing. I’m finding joy in the soberness of life. The hearts of the people around me bring me joy. Music, culture, lights, food and laughter filled me heart so full on New Years Eve that I made the conscious choice to not sacrifice that for a “few more”, and it was the best choice I’ve made in a long, long time. It was a wild night full of new traditions, new music, new friends, new choices and most certainly a new me. Bah!! It was great!
The important part of this whole story is the idea of answered prayers. For a long time I found myself in a “knowing better” but still “wanting to” phase, and that is a sucky place to be in. I love the Lord but I also love to sin. I wrestle with the idea that I still want to sin. I’m a Christian, is that normal, wanting to sin? I have been praying for a long time that the Lord change my desires to His desires; make your wants my wants. God help me with this…… On New Years Eve I finally saw that prayer get answered. I didn’t want to get drunk, I wanted to enjoy the night with the incredible people surrounding me; and I did. The answer to my prayer became so clear to me. See, the thing about being Christian is just because you believe in the Lord and give Him your heart doesn’t eliminate the devil. Sin will always try and ensnare your life and bad things happen to good people. Bad things happen to Christian people, we’re no different. The only difference is when sin, addiction, abuse or anything of the sort start to consume our lives, we openly admit that we need the Lord’s help. We need forgiveness because its not a question of if we will fall, it is when. We need love because the world around us has hardened our hearts towards each other and only the Fathers love can soften the blows. I can’t do life on my own, I need His strength. Everyday, I need it. Releasing that control of trying to fix all of these things on my own was the answer to my prayer. He whispered to me that its ok that I’m not always going to be strong enough to choose Him over alcohol, because He is. It’s ok that I am not perfect, because He is. It’s ok because its Him, it’s not me.
I’m human. I make mistakes. I’m not a perfect Christian. I’m Hannah, and the Lord loves me with passion that I myself don’t yet understand. The best I can do is run as fast as I can into His arms and wait patiently until His plans for my life are revealed; and I’m completely ok with that.
Staying sober on New Years Eve and having the time of my life. Such an easy and meaningless statement for some, but a life altering revelation for me. I stayed sober, I conquered it. I remembered the night, I didn’t feel like crap the next day and I had the best time I have had in years. I danced the night away and conducted myself in a way thats pleasing to the Lord and those around me. I watched squad mates around me struggle with drinking and still didn’t choose to stumble. I didn’t stumble because I was so full of the love of the Spirit; and the Spirit doesn’t stumble. It wasn’t me; it was us.
**Thank you so much to all of you supporting me!!! If you would like to join me on this journey and receive updates on my travels CLICK HERE!!. If you would like to donate to my World Race account to help me reach my goal and stay in the field CLICK HERE!!!!
With all of His love,
Hannah
