How do I say goodbye?
How am I supposed to look these beautiful girls in the face and tell them goodbye, knowing in the back of my mind there is a chance I will never see them again. I have fallen in love with each and every one of them and my heart is breaking.
These women were the missionaries this month, not me. The spoke to me everyday about sisterhood and what it means to love. They taught me about loyalty and courage. They humbled me. I will never have even a mustard seed of their courage. I work daily to have the story of redemption that they all walk freely in. They have showed me what it looks like to actively never give up. They have taught me what the rewards are for actively seeking God everyday.
D’s laugh makes me laugh. Not a polite laugh, but a laugh that brings with it joy that I have never before experienced. How do I say goodbye to that?
MJoy is my little sister that I’ve never had. She looks up to me and sets a bar for me that I am proud to reach everyday. She loves me unconditionally and makes me feel important and grown up. How do hug her for a last time?
Jak is my partner in crime.. She makes me laugh even when its hard and she understands my deepest thoughts even before I do. She has encouraged me this month in every way and I will never forget our friendship. How could I possibly leave her?
Sal. Oh sassy Sal. The moments I have shared with her will always be with me. Those moments taught me what being a true disciple of Christ is. She taught me how to walk into redemption and never look back. How do I let that go?
Princess is a giver. She gives and gives to show how she appreciates me. Everyday she makes me feel welcome and loved. She took care of me on my saddest days lifting me up with her unspoken love. How do I say goodbye?
S’s dance will bring laughter to anyone who sees it. She was so goofy in the exact right moments. How do I leave knowing that I might not see that dance ever again?
my heart breaks even as I write it..
Mar. My sweet, kind Mar. She takes care of everyone in the house. She leads with a quiet leadership that is like a warm breeze on a cool summer night; constant and comforting. Lord how can I possibly say goodbye to her without falling completely apart?
My dearest Lalyn. Lalyn is the leader in the house I lived in. She makes sure everyone is following the rules and is on track. She shows love by making sure the girls are loving themselves. The way the girls look up to her makes me want to be better. I cant quite explain it. I want to be Lalyn to someone someday. I want to love others more than they sometimes love themselves. Lalyn is intentional. She knew when I was goofy, when I was serious and when I was sad. She genuinely cared about me. She wanted to know how I was, not because she was nosy, but because she loved me. She gives her heart in a way that Jesus did. I want to be like that. I have so much more to learn from her but I’m not given the time. I have so much to thank her for but I cannot find the words. How can I leave so soon and without proper thanks? How can I leave when everything I say sounds cheesy and doesn’t come close to the gratitude I feel in my heart? How can I walk away feeling broken in two?
Why is God asking me to do this? What am I learning from this horrible heartbreak?
The only thing I can come up with, in my grief, is the gratification that I opened my heart enough to these women that I also feel the pain of saying goodbye. If I didn’t press in this month, it wouldn’t hurt so excruciatingly bad. But I did. I gave these girls everything I had. My heart, my thoughts, my soul. And I’m proud I did because it wasn’t easy. Saying goodbye sucks, but its nothing compared to the joy I felt being with these women. Not even remotely close.
