Your a good, good father….. It’s who you are….
And I am loved by you….. It’s who I am…
In 2011 my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. From the moment we found the mass we knew we were looking at a very short amount of time left with him. I was going to lose my dad. I didn’t know how to cope or how to act. I wasn’t even sure how to continue breathing. My dad is the person in my life who loves me without fail. He gives me unconditional love. The kind of love described in scripture. It didn’t matter what I did or didn’t do, or how close or far I was from home; he loved me. He has loved me from the moment I was born. It was constant.
When my dad was diagnosed, I was not walking with God. I was drowning in the darkest part of my life. I was in an extremely toxic relationship and using anything I could to dull the pain. I was hundreds of miles away from my family and even further from God. Through all of the disappointments of my life that I’m sure hurt him to his core, he continued to encourage me. While I was ruining my life in the pits of hell he called me beautiful, he told me I was still his angel. He told me over and over how loved I was.
My dad was diagnosed with an extremely rare form of pancreatic cancer that is slow growing. Only 5% of all pancreatic cancers are this type. Of this 5% only 2% are operable. Somehow, my dad fell within these incredibly small percentages both times. Although the cancer had spread to both his liver and lymph nodes, surgeries and treatments went extremely well and my family was left standing together in the end wondering what the hell just happened. How is it even possible to be this “lucky”? How is my dad the one out of literally hundreds of thousands to not only survive the surgery, but survive the cancer? This left both him and I asking the questions of, “Why did God spare his life? What does he have left to do here on earth? God, what is your purpose?”
Although I didn’t understand it at the time, God has always been right next to me. Even in my darkest moments when I couldn’t even muster up enough strength to take another breath, He was there. God revealed to me how important the love of a father is. We all need unconditional love. When my dad got sick I was not walking with God, I was actually running in the opposite direction from Him. I believe God spared my fathers life to allow me to continue to feel the love of a father through my dad. If my dad would have passed away and fell within the 98% of people who do, I would have lost the love of a father. I didn’t know Gods love, my dad was all I had. God gave my family a miracle and spared my dads life to allow me more time to come home to Him and find a new kind of love from a new father, my Heavenly Father.
God used my dad to provide the unconditional love I needed throughout my life. God used him to encourage me, love me, support me and keep me safe. He used my dad to fill in those places of my heart that were empty, those places that were longing for the love of God. He used my dad to tell me who I was every day: I am loved, I am beautiful, I am smart, I am His angel, I am a beloved daughter.
I am so thankful for the life of my dad. His testimony is what brought me back to Christ. His love is what made me feel beloved in my darkest moments. My dads ability to let God move in his life allowed his daughter to walk her own path, a path which led down many stray trails but eventually led straight back to God. And he loved me unconditionally through it all. What a Good Good Father…
“You’re a good good father
It’s who you are
And I am loved by you
It’s who I am”
~Thank you to everyone who has supported me on this wild race. I am still in need of $1,400 to meet my fundraising goal! AHH! If it’s on your heart to help me meet this goal please click here to donate to my account! Thanks!!
With all my love,
Hannah
