Here is what I’ve been learning lately…
The Lord has a sense of humor.
As many of you know I was born with a strong will. I came out with determination and a zeal for life. Anything I set my mind to I accomplish and I don’t quit until I reach my goal. I am always at the front of the pack.
I was born with a leaders heart.
Going on The Race I had this idea that they would see how much of a natural leader I was and very shortly put me into a leadership position. I was sure of it. I was confident, proud and certain I had what it took to lead well. I thought leading was about my abilities and strengths.
Training camp happened, teams were formed and I was not chosen as a leader. Team changes happened month 4 and 5, still not chosen as a leader. I was so hurt, heartbroken and confused. I didn’t understand what I was missing and why I wasn’t given the chance to prove myself as a leader.
As The Race went on and I saw the responsibilities the team leaders had and I had a quick realization. I actually never wanted to be a leader, I just wanted the respect that came with the title. I have worked so hard in life to become successful, not to actually reap the rewards but only to be perceived as such. I truly believe that this is exactly why I wasn’t chosen as a leader on this trip. I needed a slice of humble pie and the Lord ever so lovingly was going to give it to me.
I needed to be humbled, I needed to be softened and I needed a good lesson in leadership. I have learned through this process that leadership is not about my personal successes. It’s actually quite the opposite. Leadership is about the people around me and the ways I lift them up above myself. Leadership is the ultimate test of being selfless. I thought leadership was about how well I could lead people. Again, it’s quite the opposite. Leadership is about humbling myself enough to let the Lord lead people through my actions and words.
I am so glad I have not yet been chosen to be leader because I was not yet ready. After I came to this realization and gave my inadequacies to the Lord and admitted defeat in my own ways, He told me I was now ready. Haha ok I get it…funny…I see what you did there Lord. He has been speaking to me about leadership in the future and putting on my heart the possibility of future mission trip leading. He has been growing me in humbleness, integrity, self confidence and identity; all of which are the makings of a great leader.
I am thankful for the challenges God is putting in my path because He is growing me in ways I didn’t even realize I needed to be grown in. After learning about what leadership actually is and after I humbled myself, the Lord gave me the OK to pursue leadership opportunities. I am excited about this new development in my life and am thankful for the process.
I don’t know what this looks like yet. It might mean returning to the field after I get back and leading a future World Race Squad. It may mean leading women’s bible study from the comforts of my own living room. I’m still not sure. All I know is the Lord is doing a work within me and preparing me for something and I trust it is going to be great.
Love and Miss you all!!!
~Hannah~
