It’s the end of October and U-Squad has entered into our final leg of ministry together. We all met up and got briefed on the culture and upcoming ministry by our contact.
“And who is .APEX?”
Naturally, obnoxious hoots and hollers arise from our team before we fall silent, anxious to hear what we will be doing.
“.APEX, you will be going to Transnistria…”
Ok, pause. When I first learned we were going to Moldova, I had to ask someone where it was because I had never heard of it. Probably because until the early 90’s, it was part of Romania.
Well, Transnistria is to Moldova as Moldova is to Romania.
Except Transnistria is not recognized as a legitimate country by its neighbors. But it sure does have its own government, currency, military, and flag and is home to the second largest futbol stadium in Europe. Oh, and it’s communist. They wave that hammer and sickle with pride.
Someone asked what we should put on our papers when we come to the section titled “purpose of visit”.
Being the seasoned world travelers we are, we know that in some countries we have to be very discreet and sensitive about this answer. Being that many of our early countries were highly touristy areas, we often got away with checking the box next to “holiday”.
So in answer to this question, one of our beloved squad leaders quickly spouted off, “Just say you’re on holiday”.
Yes, when we reach the pretend border and the Russian guards approach our vehicle with their weapons, we’ll tell them we’re just vacationing in their lovely Communist country.
Naturally, as soon as she said it, she (and the rest of us) died laughing. We’re certainly not in Asia anymore.
But, in the event that you, dear reader, would like to vacation in this lovely little “country”, I have compiled a list of the ten things you absolutely must do.
1. Locate it on a map
2. Exchange your currency (the ATM’s won’t even give out Transnistrian rubles, you can only get them at exchange places that you will find all over town)
3. Hop on public transportation for a lovely chance to get friendly with the locals. They might rival India for greatest number of people in a compact space.
4. Head down to the nearest Sheriff ( pronounced “share-eeef”) grocery store for some sesame peanuts (yes, just like the ones in Thailand we couldn’t find anywhere else).
5. Hit up Five Pockets thrift store for the 80% off sale so you too can rock some seriously cheap European fashion and stop getting stared at for your ratty, 11-month old, I’ve-been-through-Africa clothes.
6. Take a stroll down the babushka market. They are the cutest little old women who will undoubtedly try to have a conversation with you in Russian no matter how many times you tell them you only speak a little. The bright currants and array of fruits and veggies make for fabulous photographs.
7. Have a contest to see who can spot the most stray cats.
8. Break down and spend the $8 to have a fancy salon visit. They wash your hair better than it’s been washed in 10 months AND they have hair product and blow dryer! Your split ends with thank you.
9. Retrain those leg muscles and get your squat on. Squatty potties are back in town.
10. Teach English and make friends with the coolest people in town.
I’m telling you, number ten is non-negotiable. Ministry this month has been exactly what we needed. Truthfully, it kind of feels like holiday. Igor and Oksana have blessed our spirits with their wonderful hospitality and it has been a true joy to be able to partner with them in ministry. What a fabulous way to close this chapter of our lives.
Equilibrium English Week, 2011
Proof of “must-do” #8 (Alicia rocking her Euro-chic bangs) and #10. This is one of our students and friends, Paul.
“Must-do” #9. Oh, the joys of nature’s call.
