A little over a month ago I spent a leisurely Monday afternoon completely drowning in stress. Nonprofit website after nonprofit website and nothing was clicking. I was defeated to say the least and also a tad bit upset with God because the man was not giving me ANYTHING to work with. Oh, you want me to work with marginalized people groups? Mmm, yes, I see. That narrows things down soooooo much.
That night I went to a “Freedom in Christ” class my church was offering. Afterwards some friends and I were standing around chatting about this and that. In the midst of my melodramatic enactment of the horrors and disappointments of the day, Heather, my roommate and best friend, said, “well, why don’t you look at the World Race?”
Heather, Heather, Heather. We know a girl on the Race. And I don’t want to be a copy cat.
I KID YOU NOT THAT WAS THE EXCUSE I CAME UP WITH. I’m ashamed of myself, blushing with embarrassment per the usual.
So I went home, perused the website and decided I had to go. And I asked God if he’d really let me. And he responded, “Well, duh.” Then I looked at the routes offered in September, planning on picking the route with the most Asian countries. And the first route offered was the freaking an All-Asian route. OKAY FINE YOU’VE TWISTED MY ARM I’LL GO I’LL GO.
Applied the next morning. Paid my application fee. Set up an interview. Waited two weeks. Stalked every current and past World Racer blog ever written. Interviewed. Waited two more weeks. Stalked more. Second interview. Waited 2 hours. Got a call saying I had a spot on the race.
I wish I could give you a reason for why I want to go. I don’t see myself being a full time missionary for the rest of my life. And if I did, I think I’d want to be in the Middle East (I’m crazy, I know. Mom’s already freaking out about China, just wait ‘til she reads this). I haven’t been stalking World Race blogs for years and years.
I just know in the deepest depths of my spirit that this is cliff I’m being called to jump off this year. I think that’s the best picture I can come up with. Have you ever been cliff jumping? Exhilarating is a pretty good word to describe it. You’re standing at the top of this huge rock, right on the edge. And unless you have bad friends who push you, you can decide when you jump. It’s a long way down though. It takes some courage, (and a small bit of stupidity).
The scariest part is the initial jump-that moment when your feet agree with your brain that it’s time to not be touching that rock anymore. So I jumped. I said yes. I paid the deposit. I told my mom and sisters and best friends. My feet left the rock. But next comes the free fall, and this part gets a little trickier. Part of the terror is trying to brace yourself for the landing. You know that water is coming and it’s coming quick. You’re stomach might still be making it’s way in and out of the sailor’s knots the jump put it in. Do I want to scream? I think I want to scream. Do I plug my nose, or not worry about it? Do I cannonball or pencil? Need to commit to one or the other before things go bad. But wait this is AWESOME. Gotta make sure the ole swim suit doesn’t do anything crazy upon entry.
And that’s how my life feels right now. I’ve jumped and will be in this perpetual free fall until September, when I actually leave. The honeymoon stage only lasted a day or so, and a small part of me wishes he had kicked up his feet and stayed awhile because that would have been much nicer company than fear. Nicer, yes, but much less productive. God is coaching me through my fear day by day. He is encouraging me, even when I have a bad district game or an off practice. We’ve been running sprints in practice for as long as I can remember, not because I’m in trouble, but because he knows that as much as it hurts, I will be that much more prepared for playoffs. (Forgive the amount of analogies I use, they make sense of my heart for my brain.)
SO, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO.
I am going on the World Race.
To 11 countries, for 11 months.
To people who speak 11 different languages.
To people who have completely different lives than I do.
To people who are walking in the Holy Spirit. To people who aren’t.
To people who are walking in freedom. To people who aren’t.
To people who are loved. To people who aren’t.
To the people of India
To the people of Nepal
To the people of China
To the people of Japan
To the people of Thailand
To the people of Laos
To the people of Cambodia
To the people of Malaysia
To the people of Vietnam
To the people of Mongolia
To the people of The Philippines
To the people the Lord adores. To the people whose thoughts and pains and desires and passions the Lord carries with him constantly. To the people who are hurting and don’t know how to make it stop. To the people who have been marginalized, set aside, deemed unworthy and unlovable.
We will love them. We will show them that God calls them worthy, God calls them loved, and God calls them free.
And he will love me. And he will continually call me worthy, loved, and free. And he will work amongst our team and guide our hearts and lives even further into his embrace.
