Going on the race I knew that I would have to give up a lot of things. I knew that I would be stretched in ways that I didn’t know were even possible, but I was willing to surrender it all to say yes to what I thought God was calling me to.
One thing I didn’t expect to surrender and didn’t think I needed to was how I viewed myself. Self Image is always something that I have felt strongly about, and it the one thing that I would fight the hardest for young girls to overcome… but I never really acknowledged just how much I struggled with it.
I have always loved to be active wether its running, hiking, working out you name it. Going on the race i knew that working out would be hard, and that I wouldn’t always be able to run or do a lot of the things that I did at home.
I didn’t think it would be as big of a struggle as it turned out to be.
I was a stuffer, so of course the race brought this out in me.. something that I thought I didn’t struggle with anymore was the one thing that caused me the most grief some days.
I can remember getting wifi in the Philippines and just pouring out my struggles to my mom and my best friends at home not really knowing what to do or how to change this mind set that I had started to have. I started to view photos as a way to judge how I looked, I would compare myself to my teammates and squadmates.I can remember making lists of things I could start cutting out, workouts I could start doing… but I was missing the one thing, the one person that I should have turned to in the first place… Jesus. I was doing everything in my own strength, and not turning to the truths that He was saying about me.
Throughout the race the enemy has continually attacked me with the lies of the world.. the standard of beauty that is unattainable.. the image of “perfection”.
It wasn’t until month 9 in the Dominican that I truly started to turn to Him in my struggle. I knew that I was still comparing myself, and the enemy was still feeding me the lies, but instead of listening to them I was combating them with the truth of Christ! I had finally gotten to a point where I didn’t care what was on the outside, I cared more about where my heart was with the Lord.
I was talking to my team the other night about it all, for the longest time I had always sought approval from others. When it came to guys and dating I thought that the more in shape (skinnier) I was the more they would notice me. It was something that i didn’t think I had a problem with, but it was secretly eating me up inside. The worlds view of beauty had been shoved down my throat for so long that I really didn’t know how to make it go away.As we have gotten closer to going home, those lies have started to sneak in again. I am thankful for a community of women that fight for one another in prayer and in words. I am thankful that I can speak those lies out to them and even though at times those lies win for a split second that I can point myself back to the truths of Christ.
Ladies…
it is the light of Christ in us that makes us beautiful.
We are created in the image of our Father.
We are fearfully and wonderfully made in Him.
We are daughters of the king.
We are set free from the lies that are thrown at us.
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”
Psalm 139: 13-14
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
Proverbs 31:30
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come.”
2 Cor. 5:17
“And to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”
Ephesians 4:24
In all things we are conquers through Christ, we are made new in Him, we were created for more! The same God who created the heavens and the earths created us in His image… How amazing is that?! We no longer have to believe the lies that are thrown at us, we can take the truths of Christ and run with them.
This has not been an easy journey, but it has been one that has shaped the women that I am now. It has shown me that true joy and peace lie in trusting in the Lord. It has shown me that nothing done in my own strength is worth doing.
So here is to true beauty in Christ, seeing myself as a new creation and the joy that comes in everything!
Love,
Hanna
