Hi my name is Hana Beth Chronister…
It all began with a Yes.
11 months. 11 countries.
I’ll give you these 11 months. Thats all I have to give. After that I’m going right back to life and reality.
Little did I understand the amount of transformation that could happen in 11 months. Not much can change that quickly. I’ll be right back to normal in no time. I’ll just test the waters and see what happens.
I opened up a corner for Him to come in. He turned that corner into a lifetime. A lifetime fully and completely devoted to obedience to His will.
The race has been 11 months full of struggle after struggle. There is hurt, heartache, feedback, growth, tears, laughter, sickness, brokenness, loneliness, exhaustion and beauty. He breaks you down layer by layer. He reveals the good, bad and ugly. He is passionate, tender and your biggest comforter. He is gentle with your heart in every way. He makes you fall in love with every part of Him. He becomes your deepest most intimate relationship. He pursues you. You pursue Him 10x back.
Each day you fall deeper in love. Deeper with the Father, deeper with community and deeper with His wonders and children across the world. Each day He gives you eyes to see. Each day He gives you the strength you need to carry on. Each day He whispers the sweet truth to you of who you really are. Each day He reveals one more precious gift He has to offer you.
I look back to the girl I was 11 months ago. I don’t even recognize who she was. I was burdened with guilt, shame, unforgiveness, bitterness, anger and much more. I was ashamed of who I was and who I had become. I was covered in the desire of invisibility. I had never felt more alone. I had never felt more out of place. I wanted to finish the race. I wanted to be applauded for the good work I had done.
Now I see the woman I have become after 11 months. A woman saved by grace. White as snow. Walking freely from the past. Boldness. Courage. Authority. Known and loved by her Father. Called to serve. Called to live a life fully devoted. Called to live a life worthy of the calling I have received.
The race has been a beautiful journey. I have built a community fully centered around Christ. I have become a family. I have lived every minute of every day for 11 months with these men and women. I have seen them at their worst. I have fought with them and for them. I have been in the most beautiful parts of the world. I have been jammed into a bus with over 200 people. I have slept in the most obscene places. I have ate things that no man should live from. I have laughed until I couldn’t breathe more times then I could count. I have cried on many shoulders. I have been so homesick I almost gave up. I have doubted. I have questioned. I have loved so intensely that it hurt. I have had to say goodbye to people I loved that I may never see again. I have laid hands on the sick and hurting. I have seen families without homes. I have seen people starving. I have witnessed babies with no names. I have seen miracles happen everyday. I have watched my prayers be answered. I have depended fully upon the Lord. I have done some of the most amazing adventures. I have learned what healthy relationships are. I have learned to forgive and be forgiven. I have learned not to run. I have learned balance. I have learned honor and respect. I have seen what a Godly man should be like. I have seen what a sisterhood centered around the Lord has to offer. I have scars from bites, scratches and who knows what else. My clothes smell of mold. I pray for hot showers and a bed. Mostly I thank the Lord for allowing me to come on this journey with Him.
I come to a hard realization that the Lord is closing this season of my life. As I sit here writing this I am overwhelmed with so many emotions. Today I say goodbye to what I have grown accustomed to. I walk away from people who know me more than those I’ve known my whole life. I close this chapter with those I have grown to love more than I ever thought I could. These people have encouraged me, pushed me and loved me so well. I cannot imagine waking up and not seeing my team. I can’t fathom a meal without them or hunting them all down for team time.
Now for my friends and family excitingly awaiting me back home. I have counted down the days to see your sweet faces and have your warm embraces. I can’t wait to take in every moment I get with all of you. However there are some things you have to understand. I am not the me you knew before. I am a new person. So I have one thing to say. Have grace. Be open minded. Be willing to see me as a new friend you have to intentionally get to know again. Support me in the new and exciting visions and dreams the Lord has placed in my heart. Listen when I need to just sit and talk things out. Sit with me when I don’t feel like talking, but just need a friend near. Hold me when I burst into tears for no reason other than I’m just trying to get a grasp on closing this season of life. Understand when I don’t really feel like being social. Try to relate when I want to go to bed at 7:30 or when I eat some weird concoction that sounds appealing at the time. I know you will never understand what my thought process is or what I may be going through but just have grace for what is to come.
This moment has been long awaited in excitement and in dread. What a bittersweet moment to say so many hard goodbyes yet so many very sweet hellos.
…it’s nice to meet the true you.
