about a week ago i came home. to my home in carmel, IN.
about a week ago i left my home. my home in africa.
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it’s been a heck of a week. i’ve gone through so many emotions. am i happy to be home? am i sad to be home? am i mad? am i confused? am i supposed to be here or there?
3 months is a long time, but it’s also quick. i’ve spent the last 3 months of my life living in the village, in compounds, teaching, sharing the gospel, hand washing clothes, laughing and chasing kiddos around, living in community, and sharing the love jesus has for humans. it’s been the most transformative and life changing moments. jesus showed me a glimpse of the kind of life i can live. he showed me a small glimpse of what a life with him looks like.
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before i left, i was in a rough space with jesus. with my faith. i was annoyed with having to follow his plan. i was annoyed with always wondering if the choices i was making were fulfilling to him. i wanted to make decisions for myself without running them by the lord. i felt like i was being held back because of the father. i felt this responsibility to him, it had become a chore to love him.
i clearly didn’t know that the lord would wreck me over these 3 months. that he would show me the life i could have, the life he could provide me. that he would give me that choice. he gave me a choice to choose life or death. because this other version of a “life” led by only me was death. it wouldn’t be worth it. it wouldn’t fill me. it wouldn’t be a life worth living. to ignore the life that jesus paid for, that’s death. and i didn’t understand that 3 months ago. i thought he was HOLDING me back. what was i thinking???!!!! my favorite thing about it all, the lord was so dang patient with me. he accepted the place i was at. he accepted my questions, my doubts, my anger. and he loved me through it all. he was patient enough to give me a choice. he was patient enough to show me the goodness he is. and wow. he showed me this life i never imagined. he showed me the beautiful things of it, he showed me the glory. but he also showed me the hard stuff, the trials, and the valleys.
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i made my choice. and i choose to live this life that jesus paid for. i choose all the goodness and all the hard. everyday when i wake up, i’ll make that choice. there’s a life that’s raw, breathtaking, genuine, adventurous, funny, joyful. and it’s on the table for everyone. jesus is patient, he’ll be waiting for you. when will you accept the love he aches to give you? when will you step out of the darkness and into the light? you’re worthy today, tomorrow, and yesterday. he loves the broken and the brokenhearted. let him love you.
love,
hal
