hello world. i’ve got somewhat of a large announcement.
so i’m sure you’re still reading because you’re a little confused by my title. and you’re probably rolling your eyes because you want me to get to the part where i explain why in the world i would post a blog with that title because it makes zero sense. but i’m gonna make you wait just a couple more sentences.. stay with me please, it’s worth it.
~
calling yourself a christian is easy. it’s the living like jesus part that is proving to be a little more difficult. but it’s enchanting– living like jesus. it’s beautifully chaotic intertwined with goodness, confusion, but lots of love. it’s a life led by the lord paid for by jesus. it’s the greatest gift we could ever get. but sometimes we get caught up in what our own heart desires. what WE desire. we ignore what the lord says because it’s not what we want to hear and it probably doesn’t fit in with that plan you already set your heart on. why would he put this beautiful idea in my head if he didn’t want me to pursue it? that’s just silly. he wants me to apply for this, he wants me to fundraise for this, he wants me to do this. if he didn’t want me to why would he bring me this far? so FAR that i’m only 31 days away? 31 days away and i’m just now realizing. 31 days away and you’re telling me i ignored you? but, what else would i do? i’ve come this far, there’s nothing else left for me.
oh child.
be still and know that i am god. psalm 46:10
now the part where i explain what in the world this blog is about. after lots of prayer and some hard conversations, i’ve decided not to launch this september on wr:gap year.
i felt an uneasiness but decided to ignore it, assuming it was just nerves. i felt a tug at training camp but decided to ignore it, assuming it was just fear. then i felt the holy spirit and i couldn’t ignore it– but i didn’t particularly like what i was hearing. it didn’t fit in the plan i had set my heart on. the plan i’d so carefully mapped out. i didn’t want to change anything.
BUT he asked me to let go of what i was holding onto so tightly and grab ahold of Him instead. i said yes one more time.
disclaimer: getting all the way to the part where he asked me to let go of gap year… that’s where it got kinda crazy.
“i see an old merry go round about to tip over, but barely holding on and slowly spinning”…“i got reassurance that i was exactly where i was supposed to be”…
that old merry go round? that was me. refusing to fall down at the lord’s feet and surrender. refusing to let go. that reassurance? that wasn’t me. i didn’t hear the lord tell me i was supposed to be here. but i heard me, trying to convince myself i belonged here. i confused my voice for the lord’s. i ignored the lord because it just seemed like too much to listen to listen to him. how could he ask me to do this right now? i’ve poured my heart and soul into this and you just want me to give it all up? give it all up and be left with absolutely nothing?? — but that’s where i was wrong. he wouldn’t leave me with nothing, but instead fill me.
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with that being said every single human on t-squad has a part of my heart. every racer and every leader. every single beautiful soul on team agape has my love. i’ve spent a lot of time in prayer over this, and i know in my heart this is what the lord has called me to do. i will miss t-squad, and i know you guys will do great things.
BUT my god is a crazy god and he’s got some wild plans that are strong willed. he’s so crazy that he’s already planning to send me out soon. but not for 9 months this time, only 3. and not to 4 countries, but 3. and not to 3 continents, just 1. the one place that captured my heart is calling me back. sweet, sweet africa. my home away from home. the home my heart has ached for since leaving it.
~ now here’s an exciting announcement!
in january i will be launching with world race: semesters to africa for 3 months!
this decision wasn’t easy and the road i still have to travel won’t be easy. remember what i typed earlier? living like jesus isn’t supposed to be easy. but you have to listen to him every step of the way. you can’t ignore him when he tells you something you don’t want to hear. you have to listen, and listen hard. sometimes you’ll have to let go of what you’ve been holding onto so tightly. let go and grab ahold of the one that will never let you go.
~friends and family, thank you for reading and thank you for supporting me. i’m very excited for this next journey and hope you can share some of my excitement. please reach out if you have any questions or want to hear more, i would LOVE to share! 🙂
all my love, hallie
