grace.
honestly, this word was just that, a word. it didn’t mean much to me a couple years ago. actually, it only started to mean something a week ago. i read a book. err– a part of a book. called dance, stand, run by jess connolly. i didn’t realize i needed to read that book, that page. and truthfully it wasn’t much, the words in the book.
sidebar: you know when you’ve been looking at something or reading something for years over and over but you look at it one day and your eyes open. they really open. when god opens up a secret door and you truly understand.
okay. so– grace. we hear a lot about giving other people grace. forgiving those who hurt us. even though it’s hard sometimes to forgive & replace anger and frustration with grace, we know that god gives us grace daily so we gift it to others.
last night i went to the christmas service at my new church home & my pastor mentioned grace. specifically the way jesus gives it to us. jesus has been through everything we could imagine. he has lost loved ones, been tempted, had a crazy family. jesus walked this earth and went through the same heartache we do. but now, from heaven, he sits and as he watches us in our hurt and anger he stands next to god and says “i remember how that felt. that really hurt. that was hard.” & instead of punishing us, he says “let’s give them grace.”
yes, it’s hard to give others grace. yet somehow we manage to do it (or at least try) even in the crappiest of situations. we accept that the people around us are humans who sin, it’s unavoidable.. sorry. –but my real question to you.. can you give yourself grace?
i never thought about that until i read it in a book. & can i just say- god’s timing is perfect, always. because it’s something i’m struggling to do right now.
— i made a decision i knew i needed to make, but i also knew it would also hurt the other person. frankly, in the end it did hurt the other person. and i felt like i had messed up. “if god wanted me to do that, he wouldn’t have been so hurt and angry.” so i sat with the pain, regret, and confusion. another human disliked me so strongly for following my gut. spoiler: it’s not a fun feeling to sit with.
“well, maybe your gut is wrong.”
i heard all the voices in my head going back and forth. trying to make myself feel better, then putting myself down because i sucked. in the not knowing which voice to listen to, i listened to them all. until i fell apart. then. i heard him. & i realized i needed to give myself grace. boom. crisis solved. easy peasy.
BAHAHAH.
not so fast. did you know that truly, genuinely, meaningfully giving yourself grace is on the top of the “hard to do” list?? so i come to you here, on this platform given to me by jesus to tell you that while it’s a hard task, it’s what jesus needs you to do. it’s not a quick solution. i don’t know how long it takes. i’m still trying to figure it out. but fellow humans who make mistakes and hurt people (intentionally or unintentionally), have you ever thought to give yourself grace too? give yourself a moment. speak to yourself with kind words and loving thoughts. don’t put yourself down, rise up. give yourself a hug, maybe a bubble bath.
start thinking about grace. you deserve it too.
merry christmas
love, hallie
