You want cake, you got cake.

If you know me well, or if you just pay attention to my blogs, you know the following things: First of all, I really like movies. Second, my mind works through analogies. I’ve been trying to figure out how to explain where I am in my journey right now. I don’t consider myself to be very good at “expressing my feelings” or conversing at all for that matter. But today the perfect illustration came to mind.

I absolutely adore the movie Matilda. This movie is about a young girl that just doesn’t feel like she belongs anywhere. Honestly, I love the movie because I always felt like it was about me. I could draw thousands of analogies from this movie, but I’ll try to stay on task. Matilda isn’t even the character that I feel my life is portraying at this moment. That honor goes to a character named Bruce Bogtrotter. Bruce is a fat, socially awkward boy that attends the same school as Matilda. This school is run by a cruel headmistress named Ms. Trunchbull. The children are terrified of her, and rightly so. One day, Ms. Trunchbull holds an assembly and calls Bruce to the stage. Like I said, Bruce is a little chunker…and he loves chocolate cake. I can relate to him on more than one level. Apparently, Bruce snuck in and ate a piece of cake that belonged to Ms. Trunchbull. She wasn’t very happy about this. She sits Bruce down and puts a big piece of chocolate cake in front of him. “You wanted cake, you got cake…not eat it!” He’s confused, but he doesn’t pass up the free cake. He finishes the piece and affirms how delicious it was. Ms. Trunchbull then brings out a gigantic round cake and forces Bruce to start eating it. It doesn’t take long for him to become miserable. You can see the anguish in his face as he continues to try to force the cake down his throat. The students brace themselves to see Bruce hurl. Ms. Trunchbull is delighting in his suffering, and it seems like she will have victory in teaching the kids this cruel lesson. Matilda sees the pain in Bruce’s face, as well as the hopelessness in the students’ faces. She stands up in her chair and begins to cheer for Bruce. After theshock wears off, the rest of the students gradually join her in encouraging Bruce to press on. Bruce is filled with a new motivation and begins chomping down on the remaining cake. He finishes all of it, and even licks the plate clean as the entire student body cheers for him.

I have an extremely intense sweet tooth, probably to an unnatural level. I could live off of ice-cream, chocolate, gummies, and Coke. Sugar brings me joy, simple as that. If you don’t share the same love for sweets, you might not understand where I’m coming from with this. Personal and spiritual growth are pillars of this experience. The growth I received over the first few months of the race were like Bruce’s first piece of chocolate cake. It tasted so delicious. It was unlike any cake he’d ever had before, so he kept eating and eating. He was motivated to eat the cake because it was good. I’ve been told that it takes about twenty minutes for the human stomach and the mind to be in agreement that you’re full. As time went on, Bruce’s stomach began to settle. After he finishes the first piece of cake, he’s in good spirits. He’s full, but pleasantly satisfied. Then comes the whole cake. He knows he has to eat it, but his motivation is no longer centered about the fact that it tastes good. His love for chocolate cake is now irrelevant. He’s miserable and cares nothing about eating more.

I’ve been in survival mode for the last few months. The excitement of this around-the-world adventure wore off a long time ago. Looking forward to tomorrow was centered around the fact that each passing day was one step closer to going home. I often think about the beginning of the race. There was so much to take in. I experienced so much change and growth in such a short period of time. I was like a kid in a candy store. I was motivated and excited, and kept pushing for more and more. It was very enjoyable for a while, but it resulted in a spiritual tummy ache. I grew tired of “cake”. However, an even larger cake was set in front of me. There were still months left in my journey. I no longer enjoyed the goodness of the experience. It became all about forcing chocolate down my throat, all the while thinking about how close I was to throwing it all back up.

When all hope seemed lost, I heard a voice begin cheering. I can’t begin to express in words how much God has moved in my life over the past few days. It’s absolutely blown me away. I realized that I rarely pray for things that are beyond my control. For example, I can pray for guidance in what I should do when I return home. I have control over what jobs I pursue, or where I live. Praying for something you have no control over takes faith, which is not my strongsuit. But I prayed for God to change my heart. It’s amazing how quickly God can move in our lives when we simply allow him to. We’ve become friends with some other mzungus (white people) here in Moshi. Thursday night we went to the home of Ryan, Stacy, and their four kids. We worshiped and prayed together. Ryan had such encouragement for us. He said that he really felt like this was a time of new beginnings. One thing he said that really stuck with me was about declaring things about your life. Each morning, he wakes up and says, “Today I will intentionally release undeserved grace.” Living out a phrase like that can radically change lives. God used him in a powerful way, and I’m so thankful we had the chance to hang out with them.