The End: Looking back

Question of the century number 1: “So, how was your trip?”

I can’t even fathom how many times I’ll be asked that question when I get home. Some people will ask to be polite, and will be satisfied by the casual response of, “It was so great!” I know, however, that many people are actually interested in hearing about the last 11 months of my life. Since you’re reading this blog, I’m assuming you fit into the latter category.

I’ve had good times. I’ve seen God move in incredible ways. I’ve laughed with (and at) my teammates. I’ve felt like I was on top of the world. I’ve formed relationships with people from every corner of the globe. I’ve seen people come to know Christ. I’ve gone on adventures. I’ve kissed monkeys and elephants. I’ve hung out with lepers. I’ve danced in African church services. I’ve preached on three continents. I’ve twirded kids around until I thought my arms were going to fall off. I’ve eaten some really strange foods. I’ve worshipped in bars and on rooftops. I’ve been filled with joy to the point of tears.

For every good emotion and experience, there’s been a negative one. I’ve felt sorrow. I’ve been faced with challenges that I didn’t feel I met. I’ve doubted the very existence of God. I’ve doubted myself. I’ve cried myself to sleep. I’ve felt helpless. I’ve seen people on their deathbeds. I’ve questioned whether or not I was getting anything from this experience. I’ve been angry at my teammates. I’ve felt alone, even though I was constantly surrounded by people. I’ve been homesick. I’ve felt forgotten. I’ve seen people in pain. I’ve been filled with despair.

This past year has brought out every emotion that the human mind can feel, and then some that I wasn’t aware existed. I would say the same is true about coming home. I’m excited, but terrified. This is the biggest transition I’ve ever had to make. Life is different now. My old concept of normal is out the window. I’ve been shown that “normal” just doesn’t cut it anymore. I know my new definition of normal with collide and crash with the one that awaits me when I get home. How do I integrate everything I’ve learned into my life outside the security of the World Race?

There are so many things I’ve learned about myself…about God…about the world. Above all, this year has transformed my relationship with Christ.  He’s always been there…when I was dancing on top of the world, as well as flat on my face in the valleys. He’s brought me to the finish line. At our final worship service, we were singing In Christ Alone. I realized then that this experience has taught me about the covenant that I have with Christ.  He’s more than my creator. He’s more than the Lord of my life. He’s my Father. He’s my friend. And there’s nothing that can take that away. We’ve been through so much together.  I’ll continue to have good days and bad days. I’ll continue to experience joy, as well as sorrow. This year has been an adventure, but I know the greatest adventures are yet to come. I look forward to seeing where God leads in the next chapter of my life.

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny