At least once a day I have to bring myself to the realization that this is actually my life. We arrived is Israel on the 1st of November. Setting foot in the Holy Land has been so surreal. Traveling through this country has already transformed the way I read and think about scripture. It’s coming to life. I mean, I just saw a street sign for Nazareth! We camped out in Bethsaida the first night we were here. (“They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him.” Mark 8:22) After trying to sleep through a huge storm, we woke up and continued our journey. We passed by the Sea of Galilee.
This is the sea that Jesus walked on…the sea that was calmed by Jesus during the storm…the sea that provided the scenic background for so much of Jesus’ ministry. We then went to Capernaum. (“A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home.” Mark 2:1) I have to pinch myself to remember that this isn’t a dream.
I’m really looking forward to this month. We will be hanging out with Holocaust survivors at a nursing home, teaching English in a high school, and possibly working at a Sudanese refugee camp. It’s going to be like a fresh start in a couple of different ways. First of all, all the teams on J Squad have undergone some changes. Our squad leaders (Aaron and Caroline) will be heading back to the States after this month, so new squad leaders have been raised up. Dan and Brandy (former team leaders of Unwritten and Proclaim I61) will be stepping up to lead the squad. This meant changes had to be made in team leadership, as well as team dynamic. Ken is now with the members of Proclaim I61, and Anthony is now with us. I’ll be honest – knowing that a team change was coming was very hard for me. First of all, I don’t do well with change. Period. Even if it’s for the better. I just don’t like it. Second, I loved my team. It far exceeded my expectations of what this year would look like as far as constantly being around people. I was starting to become vulnerable with them. This is also something I just don’t do. When I heard the teams were changing, I went straight to backpeddle mode. “See, you knew you shouldn’t have gotten close to these people. You just don’t learn. It happens every time, and now it’s happening again. How could you be so stupid?” These thoughts raddled around as I continued to get angry with myself. I didn’t want to have a good attitude. I just wanted to wallow in my bitterness. God soon gently put me in my place (which He does so often…and so well). I came on this trip to grow. I came to step outside of my comfort zone and to be challenged. I came to step into the life God has for me, and that path is narrow. God has NEVER let me down. What makes me think He’ll start now? I’m moving towards a place of trust…a place of abandonment of my own desires and expectations to latch onto something far greater.
I’m also learning about listening to the voice of truth. (Feel free to play the Casting Crowns song while you read this if you want. It will add to the cheesiness factor). There are so many voices we hear – our own, Satan’s, other people, societal expectations, etc. I’m trying to find the will to make a conscious decision to silence those voices and listen to truth- Truth about God, as well as about myself.
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you: I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” – Isaiah 43:1
Along with these truths, I’ve adopted a theme passage for the year. Ironically enough, the title is The Year of the Lord’s Favor. This is the first part of Isaiah 61.
because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
To proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion-
To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.
There are days that I don’t believe that I’m anointed…it’s such a strong and powerful word. There are days that I don’t want to open up to people because of the risks. There are days that I don’t feel like believing that everything works together for good. In a recent moment of pity and self-doubt, God quickly reminded me that it’s doesn’t matter what I believe. Truth doesn’t waver according to my feelings or doubts. Wowzers. So maybe I can offer a little encouragement as you read this. These are truths that I’m clinging to. And no matter what you believe or what your previous experiences are, the truth remains for you as well.
