Have you ever had nights that your mind just circled around thought after thought, preventing any form of sleep? Last night was one of those nights for me. I was especially tired yesterday afternoon. We ate dinner, had feedback, went to build a road (discussed in another blog) and came home. I crawled onto my bed, blissfully soaking up the breeze from the fan. But sleep wasn’t on the immediate agenda.

 

I mostly thought about home. What will life look like? I pictured people’s reactions to seeing me again. Vain, I know.

I thought about questions I wanted to ask my grandmother. She’s the wisest person I know.
 
 
I thought about whether or not I would attend The Awakening (annual WR gathering) in Ireland and whether or not my best friend Meagan could come with me.
I thought about food and made a list of my top ten priorities upon returning.
       Chick-fil-a : #1 combo (Chicken sandwich, waffle fries, and coke)
       Momma Goldberg’s: Momma’s Love with cheddar and sour cream chips
       Findley’s: Chicken Italian with fries and green olives
       Hibachi Express: #10 (Steak, chicken, and fried rice) with 2 extra sauces, hold the veggies
       Moe’s: John Coctostan with only steak and cheese
       Mikata: #6 (Steak and chicken)
       Panera: Cinnamon crunch bagel, toasted with raspberry cream cheese spread
       Jim Bob’s: Little Lamb’s plate
       El Rio Grande: Una quesadilla de pollo y queso
       Jimmy John’s: Slim 1 (Ham and cheese)
 

I thought about how hungry I was thanks to my food fantasy.

I thought about how much money I owe from student loans and the fact that I’ll be in debt until I’m 80. How will I ever get ahead? Where’s the balance in being financially responsible and doing what God calls me to do?

I thought about Tae Kwon Do class and how excited I am about returning. And how I hope Mr. Tony will be proud of me for remembering most of my forms.

 

I thought about jobs and the fact that I’m pretty much as clueless as ever. Maybe I could open a magic shop. Or become a professional Texas Hold ‘Em player.

I played Diner Dash on my iPod to try to pass the time and calm my mind.

I thought about how much I want to take my mom kayaking. And the things we could talk about.

I thought about my brother and how I want our relationship to be better. He shows more grace than I do.
 

I thought about how much I would love to be a photographer. I see the world in pictures. Maybe that could help me make a little money.

That led me to scroll through pictures, producing more random thoughts.

I thought about camp. About how strange it would be not to be on staff. I’ve spent the last 4 summers there. I can’t wait to visit. Will the kids remember me? Will the new counselors think I’m cool because people run up and hug me?

 
 
I thought about the fact that 93% of my good friends are people I see only a few times each year.

 

 

I thought about what song I wanted to dance to at my wedding reception. Unchained Melody, in case you were wondering.

I thought about how big of a difference it makes for receiving blog comments when I sound like I’m in distress and how I should take advantage of that revelation.
 
I thought about how much I REALLY want a pet baby goat and pig.
 

I thought about how much healing I still need from events from my senior year of high school. Will I ever be able to completely move past it? What does that look like?

I thought about visiting people from the Race. I’ve been with the same five people every hour of every day for last year. How often will I see them when this is over? Maybe I could sell calendars to raise money for gas or plane tickets. 

I thought about how much fun I would have with my little cousins when I got home. Nathan will be super excited, but will Wilson and Stirling remember me? And I haven’t even met little Bradley yet.

 

I thought about what it would be like to have a boyfriend. It’s been almost six years…I’m not sure if I remember.

I thought about driving, and the fact that I haven’t driven a car in almost a year. What if I accidentally drive on the left side of the road because that’s what we’ve been used to in other countries?

I then thought about the fact that I don’t even have a car to worry about driving. One that works, anyway. Current goal: buy a scooter. 150cc automatic. Then hit the open road.

I thought about my dog, Molly. She’s my angel.

 

I thought about prayer. How powerful it is. Prayers that had been answered. And the ones that still hadn’t. In the way I wanted, anyway.

I thought about this crazy rollercoaster that we call life, and the fact that I can’t believe I’m living this one. Every event over the past twenty-three years has led me to this place. Sitting in a remote village in the countryside of Cambodia. I never would have known.

Finally, I thought about blogging. I thought about what a privilage it is to be able to share these experiences with you. I hope that in some way I’ve been able to offer you something through this ministry. An encouragement, a hope for the future, evidence that God is moving all over the world. Stories that not only touch your heart, but compel you to move.

After hours of pondering the uncertainties of going home and the mysteries of the universe, I fell asleep. After all, some really cool dude once said that tomorrow will worry about itself. I think we can learn a lot from him.
 
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

– Matthew 6:33-34