In holding true to my promise to be completely honest throughout this journey, I’m going to admit that my lack of updates isn’t due to anything other than the fact that I am in the midst of the world’s LONGEST writing block.
Maybe it’s due a drawn out break after receiving an English degree, the lack of energy I have after writing grants all day at work or my innate struggle to feel I can only produce perfect results, but every time I’ve sat down to write or put a paragraph on paper, it just falls flat.
Then I realized that this experience isn’t about my writing skills. It’s about transparency. It’s fulfilling a promise to let everyone in on this journey with me; and that means sharing my raw experiences and thoughts. Then I thought, I’ve been writing every night for a year now. All my conversations with God and inner dialogue are in my journal! And I promised transparency; so that’s what this is. Welcome to my a snapshot of my journal…
January 9, 2017
“If you remain in me and my word remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” – John 15:7
I know I pray for Your Will to be done but I’ll readily admit that I have my own plans and prayers for myself that I let stand in the way. God, it can’t happen in the blink of an eye but I pray for the wisdom and dedication to let Your wishes become my own, may Your World lay so close to my heart that my truest, deepest desires become Your Plan, Your Purpose and Your Wishes for me – God I truly pray for Your Will and my desire, to be done. Amen.
February 7, 2017
“You make known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” – Psalm 16:11
God, what amazes me about Your word is the assurance it holds; You WILL make known the path, fill me with joy and bring me eternal pleasure. You PROMISE and GUARANTEE joy and contentment through Your Path for me. Like, what??
And I’ve found Your Path for me at the moment – I’ve sat with You and been assured that this is Your Plan for me – but I’m discovering how easy it is to let the world put doubt in my mind. Having faith in You is HARD. I’m beginning to be tested in a way I haven’t been before and I pray that through it all I can turn to You. Lord, give me the words to say to those that don’t believe in, or don’t understand, this mission I’m embarking upon. God, what matters is YOU and YOU will do what’s necessary, what You have in Your Plan, to allow me to follow down Your path It’s scary not feeling confident and being tested but You have provided me with ALL the tools I need to persevere – and AMEN for that!
February 15, 2017
“Surely God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord Himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.” – Isaiah 12:2
Hearing this reassurance gives me hope; hope that there is NO reason to doubt Your Plan. Lately, I’ve been nervous that I won’t fundraise the money I have to; that I just don’t have the resources, that I’m not the right person to be going on this mission, that there’s not enough I can do to convince people to support me financially. But this is SUCH a lie that I’m telling myself! And just a few of a million reasons:
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I have incredible support in my life. People who believe in me and prayerfully and sacrificially WANT to support me.
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By doubting myself, I’m doubting my donors, my community and most importantly, YOU. And that’s not fair to anybody.
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None of these funds are for me. None of this work is for me. They’re for YOU. THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME. I need to get off my high horse and realize that I’M not the one that’s going to reach my fundraising goal or change lives overseas. It’s YOU! Now, I’ll probably succeed at believing this at the end of my trip, if at all, but it’s undeniably true. This whole mission is simply You using me as a vessel to do Your Work. And You will do everything in Your power to ensure that YOUR Work is done.
I need to trust You 100% wish EVERY aspect of this journey. Because You will provide!
Lord, You’re our shield, our strength, our fire, our comfort – You’re everything and You fulfill every need. May I never forget that nor take it for granted.
And give me the courage to go outside of my comfort zone in sharing the Good News, because it’s something that EVERYONE needs to know. I pray for opportunities to share my faith – God, if You bring me to a place where I need to be bold, share the Gospel and Spread Your News, I pray for the strength and courage to do so even in the most uncomfortable positions. Amen.
February 20, 2017
“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me besides quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the paths for his name sake.” – Psalm 23:1-3
Contentment. The Lord brings me complete contentment in any case and I cling to this. It’s so easy to overlook, God, but the ease in turning to You in any and every situation will bring contentment – and contentment leads to ease in taking the next step; following the path set out for us, Lord, thank You for bringing contentment into every aspect of my life, and through that, an endless array of opportunities are open to me. Amen for your endless faithfulness!
February 21, 2017
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” -Psalm 23:4
I trust God because I chose to; some people HAVE to. I mean, we all have to but we aren’t all forced to realize the need for Jesus in order to survive; people in this world ACTUALLY walk through the valley of the show of death and STILL are affirmed that God will protect them. So just because I have a comfortable life, I can get away with a lukewarm faith? It shouldn’t have to come to the worst circumstances to utilize and appreciate ALL God has given me – my fortunate circumstances combined with receiving all of God’s assurance is a power than can, and will move mountains. The next year will be empowering and life changing but may I allow it to be humbling. Amen.
February 22, 2017
You have given me gifts of compassion, a genuine and empathetic heart and a passion to nurture and comfort – this is not a weakness, God. Allow me to reach out to people in a way that not everyone can.
You’ve given me the gift of music, eliciting joy through my voice – not only do others feel Your Presence when I sing but I do – and that passion comes through.
I bring this up not to boast or reassure myself but recognize how You want to use me; You’ve given me these gifts and utilizing them for Your Glory is the greatest way of surrendering to You – taking what You’ve given me and turning it right back to You. So thank you for giving me strengths and gifts and giving me the courage to use them for Your Presence on this Earth. Amen.
If you made it to the end of this, THANK YOU! I hope these posts helped shed light into triumphs and challenges I’m experiencing throughout this journey. If you have any questions or want to talk to me more about what I’m doing, please reach out! Even if we’ve never met or haven’t talked in years, I want to share this with EVERYONE; sometimes I just can’t find the right words.
