I am in a weird mood today, and I can’t figure out what it is about. I am in Uganda surrounded by this beautiful land, beautiful people and don’t know what to do exactly. I don’t know how to act, how to feel. This does not seem real. I am praying desperate prayers to God begging Him to move in my life, begging Him to see miracles and people healed. I want to hear from Him every second of every day and be given the chance to obey Him in crazy, scary, exciting ways that only He can move. My thoughts are just bouncing everywhere about where I can be used here in Uganda, where I can serve more, who I can pray for here, who I can pray for back home, what more should I be doing.
This morning in chapel, my thoughts were going crazy. I asked God to speak to me. The Lord gave me an image. I pictured my worries and words and phrases that had been bouncing all around my mind floating every which way. Suddenly, there was a space in the middle of these words, a blank space. In it was written, “I love you.”
The Lord loves me. He loves me when I am not 100% focused on Him in chapel with words bouncing around my head. He loves me when I turn to this world instead of Him. He loves me when I need a nap instead of going to hang out with the children. He loves me when I am serving Him. He loves me when I am solely focused on Him. There is nothing I can do to change His love for me.
So, yes, I do want to see God move, I want to see miracles and people healed, and I want to obey Him, and I fully believe all of these things will happen. But, He loves me and wants me to just sit still in that fact. “Be still and know that I am God.” I am over trying to invite God into what I want to do and what I want to see done. I am over trying to make Him fit into my plans. I want to be apart of everything that He is already doing. I want to walk side by side with Him through my day and be apart of the way His Kingdom is already moving. God is clearly working in this place. He has our team here for a reason. I just need to learn to be still and be present and follow along with what He is already doing.
