Here I am..
Sitting on the couch, drinking my delicious, awesome coffee, and staring outside of my beautiful, snowy backyard.
Thinking.. “How the heck did I get here? I didn’t plan this. I didn’t plan to sacrifice everything for 11 months- my family, friends, college, job, my comfortable life – just to go on the World Race..”
Let’s start from the beginning of how I got here.
My life as a Christian began at age eight (or so I thought) when I asked God to be my savior. I had gotten back from a week, long Christian camp. I remember being so excited to come home to see my mom and the rest of my family to tell them the one thing that would change my life forever. “I am saved, Mom and Dad.” Sure, I may have been really young and didn’t know everything about the Gospel. But I knew who God was, I knew He loved me. I knew He would do anything for me. I knew He gave up His sins for me. I knew He would provide. But there was one thing that I did not know for a long time: He would provide in HIS way. Not my way.
God will provide in HIS way. Not my way.
That is hard. Especially for a person who is very stubborn (cough* cough* me).
At a very young age, I have always wanted to be a photographer and go to school in California for a photography degree. I got my first camera when I was eight. The best thing about that camera that it was pink and had a Barbie logo on it. How awesome is that?! Pretty gnarly for an eight year old.
Since I received the awesome, pink Barbie camera, I have been “training” non-stop to be a photographer. I only wanted to do one thing for the rest of my life: to be a photographer.. I didn’t care for anything else nor I was interested into doing anything else.
During those years of “training” to be a photographer, I faded away from God. Yes, I believed in God and loved Him. I always have and will. But I never gave him my whole heart, it was always just parts of it. I got so lost into words of “having a plan for the perfect future” rather being lost into Him. Now lets be realistic, I knew I wouldn’t have a perfect life but I wanted to make sure I was close to it. My mind was set for going to school in California for photography, graduate, get a job, get married by 23, and have kids by 25. If only that would happen!
God will provide in HIS way. Not my way.
As I entered into my junior year in highschool, I was given an opportunity to go on a Mission trip to Honduras. I accepted the opportunity because I thought it would be fun. I love to travel and I am a very adventurous person. I took it because I wanted to get out of the states and see the rest of the world without acknowledging God in it. I took it for all of the wrong reasons. Who does that? I did.. Boy, I did not see what I was getting myself into.
As I was on my flight to Honduras, I was thinking about all the adventures opportunities I could do in Honduras: Go hiking in the mountains, try various of delicious food (I deeply love food by the way, especially sushi!), and doing something goofy and unexpected. No, I didn’t think about the people of Honduras, the kids in the orphanages, and how should I serve God and share the Gospel? I thought about ME. Who does that? I did..
Boy, did that change my thinking. During the mission trip, my heart broke in ways that I didn’t even imagined. I ended up serving for God and sharing the Gospel. I met so many amazing, beautiful souls throughout the trip. My heart felt for them. I got lost into them and the Lord rather getting lost into the “perfect life” that I had planned for. My heart brokened for them. I was amazed how my thoughts of traveling and be adventurous changed in an instant the moment I stepped on the Honduran soil.
After I came home from Honduras. I was lost. I wanted to go back and give my heart to them. I didn’t care for photography, college, marriage, and kids. I just simply wanted to go back to Honduras and serve for God and for all the beautiful souls I met. Right then and there, I had this instinct that I would be called into Missions. So I changed my plans. I decided to apply to Liberty University for Missions.
Few weeks after I applied during my senior year in highschool, my life changed forever. Something happened to my family that was greatly impacted. After a tragedy in our family, I pulled away from God. I went back to wanting a perfect life in photography, college, marriage, and kids. Then I received a letter from Liberty University. I opened it and stared at the letter for a long time. I was not accepted to Liberty University. I knew it. As much I loved doing the mission, I wasn’t called into missions. (Or so I thought).
God will provide in HIS way. Not my way.
I ended going to Rochester Institute for Technology for Photography in New York. My relationship with God during the first 2 years at RIT was a struggle. We had ups and downs. After two years attending to RIT, God told me over and over that photography was not my calling. I ignored him. I wanted what I wanted. Finally last year, I gave up on that idea because I knew God had something else for me. So I decided to change my major to Hospitality and Tourism Management to be a Camp Leader since I love the outdoors, leading, and traveling. My life was doing well for the last year for the first time in a long time. (or so I thought, AGAIN!).
This recent fall semester, I received the news from RIT notifying me that I had been accepted into Hospitality and Tourism Management for spring semester of 2015. I was thrilled. I praised the Lord and said, “Okay, I guess this what you truly want me to do.” Two days after I had been accepted. I lost my job. Because I lost my job, I was unable to afford for tuition. Therefore, I had to go home in Indiana for spring semester. “God, what are you doing? I was just now getting my life figured it out. Why are you doing this to me?”
He said: “We are doing this MY way. Trust me”
I left RIT. Came home. No idea what I was doing. I didn’t have a job, I was stuck in a area where I do not have many friends, not enrolled in classes for spring semester. I was nothing. For the first time in my life, I didn’t have any kind of plan. I hated that. I hated not knowing and not being in control. I felt so alone. I became angry at God. How could he give me hope and take it away from me?
After weeks and weeks asking, “God what are you doing? Please help me.” He finally talked to me. Christmas night, I was laying in bed, crying. Thinking what’s next. I have been sitting around all day doing nothing for the last few weeks. I need to do something. Forget it, I am going apply for a loan to pay for my tuition and go back to RIT for spring semester. Then the World Race popped in my head. I ignored it. Literally every 5 minutes, it would popped in my head. I said, “No. I’m not doing it.” Then something came through me. For some reason, I knew God wanted me to do this. I cannot really described the feeling I was feeling. “God, you want me to give up everything and do this?” “But this is not what I planned for my life. Yeah, sure for a moment there I wanted to do Missions but you said no so I ran away. Now you want me to do this again?”
Then came realization. Timing. It was all about timing. God said no when I applied to Liberty University for Missions because I wasn’t ready. I had experience a huge tragedy, there was no way I was ready to go out to the world and give Him and others my heart. After almost 4 years. He said, “It’s time.”
I broked. Cried my eyes out. “Yes God, as much as scary this is and having no idea how I am going to do this, I will do this for you. I will give you my heart. You deserve that much. You do everything for me. I want to do that in return.” For the first time in a long time, I got lost into Him.
When I got lost into Him, I smiled. I knew this was it. I gave up on doing things my way. “Okay God, we are going to do this YOUR way. I trust you. After all you are first and I am second.”
What kind of person would sacrifice on a lot of things, step out of their comfort zone, and give their whole heart to the Lord and His Kingdom?
I would.
And that is how I got here. I’m ready to serve for God and expect the unexpected. I am ready to share the Gospel to the world and share God’s love and His Kingdom. I am ready to give him my whole heart. I am ready to be even more lost into Him and to His Kingdom. Bring it on!
This is just the beginning of a beautiful journey. My life as a Christian begins now.
Remember, you don’t always get what you want. God will provide in HIS way. Keep holding onto faith. He will bring it to you. That is if you are willing to let Him
PHILIPPIANS 4:19
#IamSecond
BONUS: THIS IS HOW EXCITED AND NERVOUS I AM ABOUT THE JOURNEY
